Tell Me Why?

If you've been waiting for that engagement ring post...

2010-01-31T15:31:00.002-05:00

...I'm sorry to disappoint.

My relationship with Paul has ended. We'd been together for over four years. I wanted some reassurances about the future. I was tired of the long-distance relationship. I felt we'd been together for too long and were both getting too old to still be just dating, with absolutely no plans for the future.

Paul said the subject stressed him out. The last nine or ten months we were together, it was a constantly recurring issue. Discussions went nowhere. He got irritated. I cried. We remained in exactly the same place.

One day he told me that he had made a promise to his adult daughter that he would always live near her. (Of course, both his kids - who out-earn him - still live at home with Dad, but that is another, even more long-standing issue.) Paul and I had always talked about moving some place warmer when we could afford it. We talked about how much more difficult the cold New England winters get with each passing year. And yet, he didn't hesitate a second, didn't feel the need to even discuss the issue with me. He instantly agreed to forever live wherever his daughter wanted him to live. I have three children. He has two children. And of course, he has always known that I don't want to live in the northeast any longer than necessary. None of those other people, none of those other factors, no one else's needs or desires were considered for a fraction of a second. She asked for a promise; he gave it.

There were no promises for me. There never will be.

When other people say their kids come first, they mean their kids' needs. To Paul, it means they are in charge. A couple years ago, these mid-20s children wanted a dog. Paul said emphatically NO DOG. They'd soon be moving out (or so we thought). They had busy lives and new jobs. He didn't want the responsibility of a dog. Of course, they were not asking for his permission. They got the dog. I'm sure I don't need to tell you who feeds the dog each night, or who will end up paying for the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of dollars of damage this large, destructive dog has caused to Paul's home.

Paul and I planned to take the kids along on our annual cruise this year. With Paul's reduced work hours, I put down nearly all the deposits. I paid for the plane tickets. As the time approached and I wanted to discuss what we would do at each port of call, Paul told me he couldn't talk about it because his kids had not decided yet. He told me he wouldn't commit to anything until they had decided what they wanted to do and which activities they wanted him to do with them. I offered to make my own, independent plans so he had the freedom to just spend time with the kids. He told me in no uncertain terms I was to make no plans until the kids had made theirs. He kept promising me they'd discuss it and make some decisions. Promises to me hold no weight. It never happened. It was merely another example of where I stand in the pecking order...nowhere.

I spent so much time and energy trying to convince Paul to commit to a future with me. I should have understood it was never his decision to make.

His kids are in charge, particularly his daughter. It's as if, after his divorce, he forged some sort of partnership with her in terms of running the household. It seems like he views making any promises to me would somehow betray his relationship with her. I never realized until now that, at any time during the four+ years we were together, his daughter could have dismissed me from Paul's life with a word. I never had any hold on Paul or our relationship. I was only there as long as his children tolerated my existence and as long as I was willing to accept that they would always and forever be in charge. When I finally communicated that understanding, he told me that it was a fact I had to accept or we had nothing left to talk about.

I live 50 miles from my job and 40 miles from Paul. For four years, I had no time for anything but work, my children and Paul. I turned 50 years old yesterday. I have no friends left. I allowed my friendships to dry up in pursuit of my relationship - something I swore I would never do. I'm old and alone and there are no do-overs in the real world.

I am taking that cruise. My daughter (age 22) is coming with me. We're planning all sorts of silly mother/daughter activities and matching outfits. I have been literally LIVING for that cruise for the past two months. It's the only thing that keeps me going. We'll be going in five weeks. I'm very excited, but at the same time very concerned about what will happen when the cruise is over. What will I live for then??

Just needed to vent...even if there is no one left here to vent to. I have no one else.

I'm outta here

2009-03-14T20:07:00.003-04:00

Those of you who know me - Judy, Paul, Big Dave, Tish - have my email address. I've been out of blogging for some time now, posting only occasionally. I stayed mostly to keep checking up on Gene. Now...I'm officially done.

Love ya...mean it!

:-)

Good bye, Hoss

2009-03-08T12:43:00.005-04:00

We all saw it coming, but it didn't make it any easier to handle when the news came.

I will always cherish that trip to Vegas, where I got to spend time with Gene in person, rather than just on-line. For those of you who never had the honor, Hoss was just as funny and charming in real life as he was on his blog.

I wish I had something profound to say, something suitable to honor such a wonderful human being. I'm just too sad to think of a single thing to say except that I'll miss him.

Vicki said it better. Read here:

http://amarkonmywall.wordpress.com/2009/03/07/some-personal-correspondence-from-my-not-so-secret-love-affair/

Please - Pray for Gene

2009-02-23T05:56:00.002-05:00

Gene is here:

http://oldhorsetailsnake@blogspot.com/

Read here:

http://www.tishasharp.com/

Thanks!

Hi there! Remember me?

2009-02-17T21:42:00.002-05:00

Still love the job where I have been for a bit over a year now. Been stressful lately as the economy has shown it's ugly head, trimming the workforce at my place by 1/3. I survived the cuts, but now live with the guilt and apprehension of other economic down-turn survivors. It seems everyone is either unemployed or worrying they will be soon.

OK, yeah...I voted for the guy. But what happened to all that promised aid to the put-upon middle class? I see NOTHING in this so-called stimulus package that will help me. $13/week won't fill my gas tank even once! And with my long commute, I fill up three times a week!

And yeah, they need to do something about the housing market. I tried to sell my house for nine months, finally giving up after chasing down the market $20,000. There are so many cheap, bank-owned properties available, no first-time home-buyer is looking at reasonably priced, owner-occupied starter homes. And yet, because I pay my bills, there is no aid for me. If I borrowed beyond my means, the government would cut down my mortgage debt. But alas, there is only help for the irresponsible. Irresponsible corporations, irresponsible lending institutions, irresponsible borrowers...HELP abounds for those who have proven that they will only abuse it.

Enough bad news...

My son's visit in December/January was great. It had been SO LONG! I hope it won't be another two years before he gets another leave!
Paul and I took our annual cruise a few weeks ago. We sailed on Royal Caribbean's Freedom of the Seas this time - currently the largest ship out there. Had a great time. Paul enjoyed the "FlowRider" surfing pool.
I promised my daughter I'd go out to Karaoke this weekend. THAT should be a hoot!

That's it. No more news. Isn't that pathetic? As much as I like my job, the 1.25-hour commute each way leaves me so little time for anything else. But hey...I'm employed...and I make enough to cruise every year. That ain't too bad, is it?

My son has gone...

2009-01-08T19:18:00.002-05:00

I took him to the airport today. I thought I wouldn't cry. How stupid was I to think that?

It was wonderful having him home for such a long leave, but it didn't make it any easier when the time came for him to leave.

It's all good

2008-12-19T18:34:00.003-05:00

The Camo Committee

Welcome Home!

My son made it home on leave from the army last weekend. His brother, sister and I went to the airport wearing camo - pilfered from his closet of basic training clothes - and carrying a Welcome Home poster with a camo background. Yeah, we're dorks. But it was fun! We haven't seen our soldier in TWO YEARS, so we were a little goofy excited!

We're being DUMPED on here in New England. Unlike my supervisors, who opted to work from home today, I drove the hour and ten minutes to the office to find the parking lot only half full - maybe less than half. I worked until around 1:00, when an email came from my boss telling me to GO HOME! The snow had just begun to fall, but I drove into a blizzard on the way home. It got tough near the end. I'll have a lot of shoveling to do tomorrow. It's expected to reach a foot or more by morning. It's still falling fast and furious.

Less than a month until my 2009 cruise!! I can't wait!!!!!!

Enjoy the holidays! Thanks for the greetings, Hoss!

Planning obsessed

2008-11-30T17:34:00.003-05:00

Don't you despise those people who have had one too many and feel the need to post their incredibly ill-inspired, alcohol-induced rantings on the blog site??

Better leave then...

Is anyone else out there planning obsessed? I deal with difficult situations by grabbing a pen and paper and formulating a PLAN. If I can plan my way out of a problem, it's not a problem. Even trial-and-error planning is useful. I can CHANGE my plan to address a problem...I just have to always HAVE a plan.

If you are "plan obsessed", how do you get people to under stand and deal with your obsession? How do you relate the the "wait-and-see" personalities of the world? Can an obsessed planner ever hope to have successful relationship with a wait-and-see-er??

After over three years of dating, I'm done with the wait and see. I'm done living in limbo. I'm done feeling like I'm the only one willing to sacrifice for the relationship.

I've added Paul to my will. I've listed him as my emergency contact (along with my daughter) everywhere. I've changed jobs to be closer to where he lives and works. I've had my house for sale for nine months, chasing the market down, in the hopes of moving closer. I've drawn $15K out of retirement (it was losing money anyway) toward a down-payment on a house closer to him, in the even I am able to sell my house at a DRASTICALLY reduced price - one that would not allow a sufficient down payment for new house.

Paul...he "believes" things will all work out. He things we should "trust our love" and have "faith" that we'll be together forever. He believe some day, the kids who he is incapable of ever saying "NO" to will actually move out on their own. (ages 23 and 24 and both earning over $45K/year.)

Yes, I know they have student loans. I also know they are currently making salaries equal to their father...who has worked for over 30 years to earn that level and is supporting a house and TWO ADULT CHILDREN. They can manage. We did on a lot less...even when you figure in inflation.

I address problems by formulating a plan. I go after what I want by formulating a plan. I PACK FOR VACATION by FORMULATING A PLAN!!! I can not feel in control of ANY aspect of my life without a plan.

TRUST. How many of us have been bitten in the ass by trust??

SOUL MATE. Nice for the here-after, but what about the here and now??

LOVE. Doesn't that involve sacrifice, giving, PLANNING and compromise???

We've been together for over three years. I'll soon be turning 49. Fifty is a mere year and a few days a way. My parents died in their mid-70s. Paul's brother and sister died in their 30s.

Wait and see? Trust?? Hope?? Faith?? Time??

I don't think so. I need more. I've waited long enough. I need to see the PLAN!!!! Why is that so difficult to understand???

A few updates

2008-11-13T05:33:00.002-05:00

Still no real updates on the situation with my soldier (see below). The army is insisting to him that he can travel with just his military ID and leave paperwork. That conflicts with all the other information I've gathered, which is that he needs a passport. I want him to have those folks on his base call the airline. If the airline says he can travel with just the military documentation, then I'll be satisfied. But I think his army travel people are wrong. I suggested he wear his uniform to the airport. No worse press than to deny boarding to a uniformed USA soldier heading home to see his mom. But my son tells me the military won't allow them to travel in uniform for security reasons. The saga continues...

Just got back from a business trip to Pennsylvania. Among other things, I was there for my annual review. It went well. I remain employed!! In this economic environment, that's a very good thing!

CHEERS!

My soldier

2008-11-05T00:13:00.002-05:00

My soldier is stationed in Europe. He has not been home on leave for nearly two years. The last time he was due to come home, he was on a mission in Georgia and Russia invaded. My son's leave was yanked.

Yesterday, I learned to my great joy, that he had signed and approved leave papers in hand and would be coming home for over three weeks, beginning in mid-December. If you've never gone TWO LONG YEARS without seeing your first-born child, you can't begin to imagine what it's like. I immediately searched the web for the best air fare and booked his flight HOME.

When making the reservation, I was asked for his passport number and expiration date. I emailed my son, asking him to send me this info. I got his response this morning. He has no passport. He was barely 18 when he left for basic training. He's traveled throughout his military career using his military ID. Since January of 2008, that is no longer suitable for air travel. He will not be permitted to board the plane without a passport.

When he entered the service, we explained to the recruiter that the name my son used was not the name on his birth certificate. His biological father had left us and my son took my second husband's name. His social security card and every other ID that a minor child holds, bore the name he went by. However, his birth certificate had an entirely different moniker. The recruiter assured us that this would not present a problem and that the army would take care of the discrepancy. After all, they had plenty of lawyers on staff.

It's five years later. The army has taken my son overseas. They are telling him they cannot help him get a passport because the name on his birth certificate does not match the name on his military ID. They told him he'd need to have the name change addressed by the local court when he returned home on leave. How can he come home on leave without a passport? He can't.

The army has essentially made him a prisoner. Unless I can shake loose a semi-cooperative contact over there who can force the army to live up to its promises, my son can not return to the USA until he is reassigned to the states and flown here on a military plane. Commercial airlines will not honor his military ID and allow him to board a plane.

I have contacted my state senator. I don't expect a speedy response, given it was election day today. I emailed the American Embassy in the country where my son is stationed. There is only so much I can do from my end. My hands are tied.

My youngest son was 13 the last time he saw his older brother. PacMan has literally grown a foot since that time. He shaves now. His voice has changed. His older brother will barely recognize him whenever they finally see each other again.

I'm absolutely devastated. My heart is breaking. I want to see my son.

Our 4th Annual Halloween Party

2008-11-02T16:58:00.003-05:00

A few of the party decorations

Party Super Hosts

Queen of the Karaoke

Still kicking

2008-10-28T20:55:00.004-04:00

If anyone out there still remembers me and cares, I AM still alive.

Since we last spoke:

I've been at the new job for nearly a year. Still VERY happy there.
STILL trying to sell my home to move a little closer to both the new job (about a 1.25 hour commute) and Paul (about a 55-minute drive). "Closer to Paul" being the more critical of the two goals.
My daughter turned 21 two weeks ago. Threw her a massive party, hiring a DJ I'd used way back when for my retro parties. Party was a huge success. I'm now broke.
Speaking of broke, I lost a fortune in my retirement savings and 401K. I actually liquidated a whole bunch of stuff yesterday, which makes me single-handedly responsible for the enormous GAINS Wall Street saw today. I can't win!
Paul and I took a cruise on Royal Caribbean in March 2008 - my seventh cruise, but my first on Royal Caribbean. I'm a convert. Love it! Love it! Love it! Our next cruise on Royal Caribbean will be in January 2009, followed by one we've already planned for March of 2010! (Did you forget that I'm a compulsive planner?)
My oldest son is still in the army, stationed in Italy. He was in Georgia (no, the OTHER Georgia) when Russia invaded and therefore was not able to come home on leave. I haven't seen him in TWO YEARS! I'm hoping he'll be home for the holidays this year. I sent him my "Easy Button" to use on the folks who authorize leave. "That was easy."
My youngest son just turned 15 and is a good four inches taller than me now. When the heck did THAT happen?
Paul and I returned to Vegas, opting to go there rather than our traditional New Hampshire trip for our anniversary this August. (3 years) We got an amazing package deal, probably because no one in his right mind travels to the Nevada desert in August. We had a great time and met some new friends. They will be attending our annual Halloween party this coming weekend. Cool, huh?
We did NO gambling while in Vegas, which was probably a wise move given my luck on Wall Street!
I did manage to get to the White Mountains of New Hampshire this year, just not with Paul. My youngest son (15, remember?) and I took a weekend trip there in late June. We went kayaking on the river just days after they experienced a tornado in the area. Water was rough...we had a BLAST! Now I want to try white water kayaking. What a rush!

That's about it. A year in a nutshell. Boy, kinda boring huh? Now you understand why I stayed away so long. Not a lot to say!!

This is one of Paul's new Vegas friends. This friend, however, is not, however, planning to attend our Halloween party this weekend.

My daughter's 21st birthday party was a Luau theme. Great photo backdrop, huh?

Paul and I in Senor Frogs in Aruba on our March 2008 cruise. It used to be Carlos & Charlies before Natalie disappeared.

PacMan kayaking in New Hampshire.

There's no place like home

2007-11-21T09:19:00.000-05:00

I spent all week last week in Pennsylvania, training for the new job. I flew home Friday night, then flew back again on Sunday night for a couple more days. I always thought that traveling for business would be glamorous and exciting. It isn't. I wanted my OWN bed. I wanted my OWN kitchen. I wanted to be driving a car I was familiar with. The novelty of staying in a hotel and eating out every meal loses its novelty in a matter of a couple of days!

I left myself 4.5 hours to drive the 1.5 hours to the airport last night for my flight home. I planned a leisurely dinner after returning my rental car and checking my bags. It was about three hours before my flight, I was about 15 miles short of the airport and averaging approximately 3-5 miles per hour in gridlock traffic. I kept looking at the time and the speedometer and calculating that I'd never make the flight.

I called Southwest, who was very nice and claimed to be well aware of the traffic problems around the Baltimore airport. I was on the last scheduled flight of the night, but the customer service rep kindly reserved me a seat on the 6:30 AM flight this morning, just in case. I called someone at my office to let them know I might be expensing an additional night of lodging. I felt reassured to have a back-up plan. It's always good to have a PLAN B.

As it turned out, I did make the flight - which left right on time - and I made it home a little after midnight last night. I'm off until Monday. I have a magazine article to finish up and submit today and some cooking to do for the holiday meal tomorrow. I'll be unpacking and running laundry. My to-do list is pretty long, but I'm SO VERY GLAD to be HOME!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all! ENJOY!

"Love Actually"

2007-11-08T22:08:00.000-05:00

Someone at work loaned me this movie. He said it was a "chick flick".

It occured to me that, as much as women love watching these romance movies, we are painfully aware that the charming leading men - even when bumbling, like the ubiquitous character constantly portrayed by Hugh Grant - are far TOO romantic to exist beyond the "chick flicks". In real life, men don't call every day, just to say, "I love you." In the real world, men don't give flowers "just because". They don't open the car door - at least not after the first few dates. They don't cuddle on the couch, remember all your special days or happily watch a chick flick, "just because".

Except for this guy. He does all those things and more.

I'm the luckiest woman alive!

I'm not dead...

2007-11-07T16:34:00.001-05:00

Sorry it has been so long. My life is crazy lately, but it is all good.

Just two more days at my current job and the list of things I need to do before I leave grows longer every day as my boss’s panic increases. It will be a jam-packed couple of days with lots of work and way too many meetings. Oh well…the time should at least pass quickly.

I fly to Baltimore on Monday for a week of training. I’m home Friday night; then back again on Sunday night for another two days. I’ll return home very late on Tuesday night, but I’ll be off the rest of the holiday week. I start the new job for real on the Monday after Thanksgiving. I’m very excited about this new adventure and really looking forward to it.

The magazine article I’ve procrastinated about – the one that’s due on November 21 – will likely be written in a hotel room while I’m traveling. I wish I had a laptop (stop laughing…I know I’m way behind the times!). I’ll have to gather notes ahead of time and start my first draft by hand. (I’m going to hate that. Maybe I should buy a laptop this weekend. I wonder if I can afford one…???) Maybe I’ll just check to see if there is a business center in the hotel with PC’s available for use by the guests. Do such things exist these days, or does everyone else in the world have a laptop?

Hope you are all well. Judy, I’m still praying for you and your husband! Hoss, still admiring your photo before I drift off to sleep. Paul, thanks for publishing my hat photos. I just loved that post. (What does that say about my ego?) Kira, I hope all is going well with you and Alex. Tom…where in the world did you go???

Life is Good

2007-10-28T20:21:00.000-04:00

At the risk of sounding suddenly preachy, it's amazing how things tend to work out.

I remember feeling miserable about my habit of falling hard for men who were carrying a torch for someone else. I was constantly getting hurt. I distinctly recall cursing God for allowing me to be in frequent pain.

Stupid me. I didn't know Paul was in my future.

I was sure the job offer I received several months ago was an answer to my prayers. Particularly when, shortly after that, I found a dream house for "desperation" sale, far below its value.

Then, it all fell through and I was devastated - both emotionally and financially.

My army-son was assigned to a base in Europe. When he arrived, he was told that it was merely a stepping stone to the Middle East. I was terrified.

Then, they decided they needed a computer nerd there on base, and he was not shipped out.

When bad things happen, through our pain, we question: "WHY?"

We generally fail to ask that same question when things are going well.

My son is safe.
I have three wonderful and healthy kids, all of whom never presented a rebellious nature. I have an excellent relationship with all of them.
I have an unbelievable boyfriend, who, after over two years, still treats me like royalty.
I just got a great job with a salary that is far higher than I deserve.
I'm healthy, able to earn a decent living and I live in a very nice, albeiet very modest, house.

Maybe a year ago, it wasn't the right time for me to move.
Maybe I needed to stay here where my youngest son could come here directly off his school bus.
Maybe it was just a bad time to disrupt the routine of my children.

This job is better than the one I lost and mourned.
Paul is infinitely better than any relationship I thought I wanted.
No one has perfect children, but my kids are great and they love me and I love them.

I'm happier than I can express, more grateful than words can describe and greater blessed than I deserve.

Life takes us on a journey that includes many ups and downs. It teaches us lessons along the way. I'm currently poised at the top of this roller-coaster ride and it's a really great view from here...really great.

Thank you friends, for being there through he ups and the downs.

Still no feedback...

2007-10-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

10:30 AM
Still no answers to my inquries or feedback to my comments concerning the job offer. I'm starting to panic.

Okay, I'm lying. I've gone way past STARTING to panic. I'm in full-out panic mode!

12:30 PM
My hands are now shaking and I'm having trouble typing. My stomach is in knots. I guess what I was feeling at 10:30 was something less than full-blown panic. I wonder if I've reached full-blown panic yet. Do you suppose it will get even worse? What's going on????

2:15 PM
Went for a walk. It seemed to help while I was walking, but the relief didn't last. I emailed the woman in HR to follow up. She was out of the office yesterday and had advised me that someone else would likely be in touch with me during her absence. I rationalized that perhaps she assumed I'd already received the information I had requested. She has not responded to that email. Either she took a second day off or she's ducking me. I REALLY hope she's just enjoying a vacation day - without access to email!

4:00 PM
Day is almost over. It doesn't look like I will hear any news, good or bad today. I'm an emotional wreck!

8:30 PM
They called me at 4:35 PM! Were they trying to sweat me out? I don't know. But they split the difference on my most important issues and I agreed to take the job. Yes, I probably could have negotiated a better deal. However, after the day I had, THEY could probably have negotiated a better deal!!

I have to give notice tomorrow or Monday. AFTER I get all this in WRITING!!

Will keep you posted. I'm glad the stress is over.

When did I become so greedy?

2007-10-23T22:22:00.000-04:00

So I got a great job offer today. The salary is almost 20% higher than I'm currently making. Did I grab the opportunity before they had time to reconsider? No, I basically told them I had to think about it.

I really do want the job and I'm sure, in the end, I'll take it. The offer letter included absolutely no mention of vacation time and I'd like to know what I'm entitled to. There was a very liberal description of a salaried employee, but I'm not one to take days off all over the place, simply because I'm on salary. I'm very much a stick to the rules sort when it comes to that sort of thing.

The company does not offer a 401K match, which is highly unusual for this area where a 4-6% match is typical. However, what I didn't immediately realize, reading the offer letter very conspicuously in the cubicle of my current job, is a commission program that could equivalent to a pretty generous bonus.

I responded to the email asking about vacation time, mentioning my disappointment at the lack of 401K matching (which I feel greedy for having brought up now) and asking if I could negotiate a very scary waiting period to be eligible for health insurance. (I can't afford to be without insurance or pay for COBRA for 90 days!!) I await their reply.

I'm hoping the salary will allow me to reconsider relocating 30 minutes north. That would leave me within a manageable distance of my ex's house, for PacMan visitation exchanges, about 25 minutes to the new job (after driving an hour and fifteen minutes for the past five months, that sound like heaven) and - best of all - about 15-20 minutes to Paul's house. (Not Paul Nichols, although he is my hero!)

I'm tired. It's late. I hate having this job thing up in the air. I'm someone who likes to feel SETTLED, who needs to PLAN. But I'm going to do this job move the RIGHT way this time. The last experience was a painful lesson I won't soon forget!

Forgot your password?

2007-10-22T21:08:00.002-04:00

When you need the assistance of the password prompt to access your blog, it has been too long.

When you need to be prodded by an old friend, who emails the magazine where you have published some amateurish articles to see if you're still living, it has been WAY too long.

Thank you, Paul. You are a sweetheart. I'm very much alive and very flattered that you care.

To Kenju: I've been regularly praying for you. I apologize for not writing or stopping by your site. Please don't assume it means you are not on my mind.

Tom: I'm still waiting for that promised email. I'm going to have Paul hunt you down if you're not careful!

Gene: You're voice is still on my answering machine at home and I hear it all the time. And that picture of the two of us in that Vegas hotel is still hanging in my bedroom. Let's leave it at that.

Kira: I hope all is well with you, Alex and the kids.

Okay...news.

Until a few weeks ago, there was none. I was getting nowhere on the job hunt, thinking I'd have to wait until after the first of the year. Then, out of nowhere, I got a call from a former colleague. She had recommended me for a new position. The company is located out of state, but the job would be as an on-site representative for a company here in New England.

I sent my resume, exchanged some emails and spoke with the VP, all on the same day. A week later, they flew me to Baltimore for a day-long series of interviews. A week after that, I spent a little over two hours interviewing with the folks at the Massachusetts office. The next day, that would have been this past Friday, I got a call saying that the feedback was very positive and I should expect an offer by Monday. (Today.) I did get an email from HR, saying they were still working out the details of the offer and it would be forthcoming tomorrow. Yes, I will be asking for it in WRITING!

The salary being floated is about 20% higher than I'm currently making and the job involves overseeing print production. Printing is where my work-enjoyment is. My current job is so far removed from the printing, which is all done in China.\

I'll keep you posted. (Really Paul, I promise!)

Paul and I had our third annual Halloween party this past weekend. We had it early because of some conflicts his kids had, not realizing it would end up falling on the night of a crucial Red Sox game. It limited our party attendance, as serious fans chose to avoid the distractions of a party, interfering with their enjoyment of the game. About 50-55 people attended, which was a manageable number. GO SOX!

Here are some photos. The blond is my daughter, wearing a wig. She attended as Daisy Duke - the Jessica Simpson version. Her very revealing costume was not mom-approved. That's why I chose this photo where her bare belly and short shorts are not visible!

Paul and I dressed as gangsters.

PS: I got my new Select Comfort ("Sleep Number") bed. It looks just like the photo a few posts down. I LOVE it! My only regret is not having bought it sooner. The most comfortable bed EVER! And my TV is finally fixed. I just picked it up on Friday. It's been months! I'm waiting for Paul to come down later this week to get it hooked up to the cable box. I'm only getting basic cable right now because I'm to inept to hook it all up!

Blah, blah blah...

2007-09-13T23:18:00.001-04:00

Starving...19 Weight-Watchers points per day is NOT ENOUGH FOOD!

TV still busted.

Paul still living 50 miles away. No end in sight.

Still looking for a job closer to home.

No news around here.

No arguments from me!

2007-09-11T15:43:00.000-04:00

They say that women (and men) buy new underwear when having an affair.
When the relationship is more serious, do we shop for a new bed?

I still haven’t ordered mine yet. I’m waiting for the check from my home equity loan first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember the TV I bought in January 2006? I spent twice as much as I intended to because I was awed by the Toshiba wide-screen. What a great way to watch a movie!

My TV died. It’s been dead for over a month now. I just shut it off and ignored it at first, because I couldn’t deal with TV issues and computer issues at the same time. Once the computer was up and running, I addressed the issue with the television.

I live out in the middle of NOWHERE. There are not a lot of choices when it comes to television repair. I found a place nearby and Paul helped me drag the heavy set into the shop. They charged me $26.50 for an estimate, a fee that would be deducted from the final repair bill. I never got my estimate. I never got my $26.50 back. My television is still broken.

Apparently Toshiba televisions have a certain safety feature which causes the screen to display a plain green background when there is a problem with the picture. I’m told this is to avoid having an errant image burn itself into the screen. Only Toshiba authorized service people have the codes necessary to diagnose and unlock the green screen. I was not informed that my local television repair shop was not authorized to service a Toshiba. Without the codes, he was unable to fix it. I had to retrieve the television, take it to Paul’s and have Paul take it to a Toshiba authorized service center near his less-rural house. Knowing that the guy at the first shop TRIED to get the codes to fix the television, I felt guilty (call me a schmuck – I know I am!) to request my $26.50 back, even though he did NOT provide the estimate for which I was paying the fee. Paul would have gotten it back. Me…I’m too conflict-phobic to deal with situations like that. I cave before the other person utters a word. The mere thought of getting into a contentious discussion keeps me from opening my mouth. I just hate that about me!!

Turns out the picture tube is shot. The good news is that it is still under warranty. The bad news is that the warranty covers parts, not labor. It will still cost me about $125 bucks! (Not to mention that $26.50.)

In the meantime, I’ve hooked up the 13” TV/VCR combination my daughter and I shared as our only television for the first three years we lived in the house. It looks VERY small now.

What's Your Sleep Number?

2007-09-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

Under the category of "Stuff You May or May Not Know About Wordwhiz":
In addition to being someone who likes to plan WAY in advance, who is insanely enthusiastic about cruise vacations, disco music and Paul, I'm something of a financial conservative. (Some might say "anal".)

I don't consider myself tight with money. I have known people who are REALLY tight with money and I'm not like that. But I really worry about money...maybe too much. If I didn't, I'd have never survived being unemployed for three months. Not eligible for unemployment compensation, I had to live off my savings for three months. Being one of those people who follows practical, financial advice, I had enough in savings to get me through the hard times.

I'm employed again, but at a job that requires a 1.25 hour commute EACH WAY on a dangerous highway requiring me to pay $1.50 in tolls every day. Not the most ideal of circumstances.

While unemployed, I ran up my credit card balance (I only have one card...another financially-conservative practice) and I'm very close to my credit limit. I could raise the limit, but that would only allow me to dig myself in deeper.

As winter approaches, I find myself wondering how I'm going to pay for the propane that fuels my heat. Each fill-up ran me $600-$800 last winter. I don't have that kind of money this year and I have very little left in my savings account to fall back on.

I called my mortgage company yesterday and applied for a home equity loan. I figured up 30 months worth of payments. I will set that amount aside and use the loan to pay for the loan. (I figure by that time, I'll be selling this house and Paul and I will be sharing expenses.) In addition, I'll pay off my credit card bill with a tax-deductible loan.

I get very nervous when my debt exceeds my easily-accessible cash reserves. Someone who is more savvy in math than I am would likely tell me this idea was an enormous mistake. But it will make me FEEL more like I have my arms around my debt and that it is manageable. I really NEED that.

So what sort of FUN thing do I have planned for the balance of the money? I'm buying a new bed. When I bought this house almost four years ago, I intended to buy a new bed. Instead, I took my daughter's full-sized bed - a hand-me-down three times over - and bought her a new twin-sized bed which fit better in her room. "My" bed is probably 30 years old and literally falling apart at the seams. My ex got the Select Comfort bed, because a king-sized bed would not fit in my tiny house.

I went to the mall and checked out the current line of Select Comfort beds. I have arthritis in my back, the result of disk surgery some 10-12 years ago, and my current mattress is not doing my back any favors. The 7000 model is too amazingly comfortable for words, but I'm going with the 5000 model (sort of their mid-level option), because it is $1000 less expensive. I'm going to spring for the really cushy mattress pad, hoping it makes up some of the difference between the 2" and 3" pillow-top plushness.

I'll wait until I have the money in-hand before I take the plunge, but I already know I'm going to get it. It's something I've been planning for nearly four years.

That's another thing about me. I like to really mull over my major purchases...for a few YEARS!

PS: Going from a full-size to a queen-size bed, I have to also get new bedding. This is what I'm considering. It is on sale for a great price at JC Penney. What do you think? Too girly??

19 points

2007-09-06T23:14:00.000-04:00

That's my new daily Weight Watcher point intake. Of course, I won't know how to count points until my book arrives. Funny how I expected that information to be available on-line, once I paid the money to join. Oh well...

After nearly 20 pounds in two years, I've given up trying to do it on my own. I joined Weight Watchers on-line. (That means I don't go to meetings. Who has time for that??)

My book should arrive in a week and then I can legitimately start the program. I'll let you know how it goes. I was tempted to try a more idiot-proof program with pre-packaged foods, like Jenny Craig or NutriSystem. However, a close friend swears by WW, so I'm giving it a try. I hope I can keep up with the counting, record-keeping, portion measuring, etc. I tend to quickly lose interest in stuff that requires too much administration.

I'll keep you posted.

Now they tell me!

2007-09-05T06:09:00.000-04:00

Last night I was cutting up peppers and onions, helping Paul prepare a dinner of chicken frajitas. Discovering he didn't have enough tostadas, I offered to drive the short distance to the Walmart to get some more. While driving there, I rubbed an itchy nose. Suddenly, my nose was on fire! My left hand was also burning. I had some water in the car, but no amount of rinsing seemed to help. Back at Paul's house, I washed my hands over and over - probably 10 times. I removed my ring, which seemed to be concentrating the irritation.

This morning, I Googled hot peppers and skin irritation. This is what I found:

Hot peppers can cause severe skin irritation. Wear rubber or plastic gloves while handling and preparing them. Keep the peppers and anything that touches themaway from the face and eyes. Even the steam from cooking potently hot peppers can irritate the skin. Capsaicin is an irritating compound that gives the peppers their pungent odor and causes the skin irritation that is commonly associated with the processing or consumption of hot peppers. The severity of the irritation depends on how much capsaicin is actually in the pepper and how long it is in contact with the skin. Symptoms that are common with hot pepper exposures include burning pain, redness, and irritation of the skin. Blistering is not common but can occur after prolonged exposure to capsaicin. The West Virginia Poison Center recommends several treatments for hot pepper irritation. Some works better than others. Individuals should wash their hands well with water and soap. Washing in alcohol is recommended as the capsaicin resin is more easily dissolved by alcohol. It is recommended that you wash your hands with soap and warm water again. The most effective treatment seems to be the soaking of the affected area in chilled vegetable oil for at least one hour. Relief is not accomplished by just applying the oil to the affected area; it must be completely immersed in the chilled vegetable oil. Soaking the affected area in a solution of half vinegar-half water for 30 minutes is also recommended. The chilled vegetable oil treatments seems to be the most effective. The best treatment is prevention--wear gloves.
NO MORE HOT PEPPERS FOR ME!!

Blondes have WAY more fun!!!

2007-09-01T22:35:00.000-04:00

I haven't picked fun at my blondeness for a long time. Here are some blonde jokes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ''Look at that dog with one eye!''

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says ''Where?''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?Tell her a joke on Monday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were these 2 blondes standing outside in a parking lot. They were locked out of their vehicle, so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blonde said," You need to try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blonde guy with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blonde weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blonde, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. "

Car Wreck

2007-08-31T06:39:00.000-04:00

I got into a car accident this morning. The car infront stopped suddenly and I couldn't break quickly enough.

The fella in the car in front was a dwarf. He stomped out of car towards me shouting, "I'm not happy!"

Before I could stop myself, I replied... "Which one are you then?"

My son, the soldier

2007-08-26T10:49:00.000-04:00

This is me with my soldier. He's training for deployment to Afghanistan. He'll be heading there at the end of September. It's a 15-month deployment (that's the norm now, up from what used to be the maximum - 12 months). However, he's joining a unit that's already over there, so he'll be there only a year.

The normal rotation, as it currently stands, would bring him back to Italy for three months, then send him back to Afghanistan for another 15 months. The "surge" strategy failed to take into account the limited number of enlisted in this volunteer army. As a result, deployments are longer and troops are being forced to return for multiple hazardous assignments. It's time to stop the madness.

My son enlisted less than a year after the September 11th incident. He was a senior in high school. Yes, I was concerned, but the conflict in Afghanistan seemed oddly reminiscent of our conflict in the gulf war, where resistance was minimal and the loss of American lives extremely limited. I remember telling my son to stay out of helicopters. It seemed that, more than attacks from the enemy, helicopter accidents were taking the lives of American soldiers. I thought that he'd be safe if he could just stay out of those whirly-birds.

But then we expanded our efforts into Iraq. At that point, everything changed. We were no longer fighting against a country who backed the terrorist attack which leveled those national landmarks in New York City and robbed hundreds of innocent civilians of their lives. We're fighting a battle we should never have started and, like the bully on the playground, are refusing to admit that our attack was in error. We found no weapons of mass destruction. We jumped into a centuries-old civil war and now we don't seem to know how to extricate ourselves from the turmoil. While we try to determine a strategy, we sacrifice the lives of boys like my son. Boys who, motivated by the sales pitch of their military recruiters, signed away years of their lives for their country. Not all of them were prompted to sign up based on patriotism, although it's popular to think that. Many were just kids who didn't have any specific direction or didn't want to go straight from high school into college. Many were tempted by the salary the recruiter promised or by the benefits and promise of adventure. Now, they find themselves being put into situations where their lives are at risk.

I haven't seen my son since Christmas. His birthday was August 22. The best I could do was wake up at 2AM to call him (8AM his time) to wish him a happy birthday. I couldn't hug him or cook him his favorite meal. It's the first birthday in 22 years that he has not been home. If all goes well and he remains safe in Afghanistan, I hope to see him in August of 2008 - maybe for his 23rd birthday.

Paul, I was not offended by your post on this subject. I share your opinion. It's just very hard for me because the subject hits me on such a personal level. He's my first child. No matter what, there is always something special about the first one. I rarely get to see him - even more rarely now that he's overseas. Even when he's not in Afghanistan, his new home base is in Italy, a $900 round-trip flight. It's a little different than visiting home from Georgia or Oklahoma. And I try not to think about what could happen to him over the next year. It's just too terrifying.

At least he's not in Iraq, where the casualties are far greater. But he's in danger and I can't do anything to protect him. There is no worse situation for a mother to be placed in than to be helpless to protect her child.

PS: GOOD NEWS! I heard from Born Fool, who is having computer problems. (Sounds familiar!) He's okay.

EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS!! My son called today to say it looks like he will be assigned to another unit which will NOT deploy. He will stay in Italy, repairing computers and electronic equipment, just like he was doing in Oklahoma. You can't even imagine the relief! I'm going to set my clock to call him at 2AM again (8AM his time) because I got this news as a voice mail message and I'd really like to TALK to him!

BORN FOOL

2007-08-21T22:46:00.000-04:00

Anyone got a handle on the whereabouts of my friend BF? I've emailed and visited his site...as often as able with my computer having been out of order so long.

I'm getting SERIOUSLY worried. Has anyone heard from him??

Some photos

2007-08-20T22:05:00.000-04:00

Trying to catch up on blogs. No time to write, but here are some pictures.

My cruise with Pacman:
(We went kayaking in Key West)

And my anniversary trip to New Hampshire with Paul:

COMPUTER'S UP AND RUNNING!!

2007-08-18T14:21:00.001-04:00

Guess what? I'm typing this on my home computer! The geek just left and he seems to have fixed it this time. Next chore, find someone to fix my relatively new TV, which has sound but no picture. It shows only a yellow-green glow. It's been down for about a week and a half, but I could only deal with one vengeful electronic appliance at a time. (Did I mention I had to buy a new lawn mower? Yeah...that machine revolted against me too. It's like one of those bad science-fiction movies where the robots revolt against the humans.

That job I really wanted? The company didn't get approval to fill the position. I'm assuming it's a budget thing and they are being forced to wait until next fiscal year. Why would a company review resumes and interview six different candidates for a job they don't have permission to fill? What a waste of time!

At least I can stay where I am for now...even it it isn't what I want to do long term.

Good news/HORRIBLE news

2007-08-15T16:47:00.000-04:00

I'm apparently still in the running for the job I wanted. However, my boss at the place where I'm currently temping has already let go the woman I'm replacing - before getting approval to hire me, making me an official offer or receiving an official acceptance that I'll take the job! Don't think that doesn't concern me! EESH.

THAT was the GOOD news.

My son, having just arrived at his new army base in Italy, was informed that his unit is shipping to Afghanistan in late September or October. At least it's not Iraq. If it was, I'd be completely insane, rather than merely hysterical.

Hi there, Judy!

2007-08-09T12:44:00.000-04:00

Since it appears everyone else has deserted me - and who can blame them given my rare appearances here? - this is more-or-less a note to Kenju. I hope you're well!

I'm typing this during my lunch break at work again, since my computer at home is still an unreliable, demon-possessed contraption that can not be trusted. I think I should cancel the appointment with Geek Squad - representing their THIRD attempt at fixing it - and call in an exorcist!

My son, who will be 22 in less than two weeks, is currently sitting in an airport in Oklahoma, waiting to board a plane for Italy. After three years serving stateside, I can hardly whine about the army sending him overseas. But, as his mother, I will anyway. At least it is Italy and not Iraq. This will be the first time in 22 years he will not be home for his birthday. That makes me sad.

I found out that the offer for permanent employment from the company where I am currently temping is not for the same salary I'm currently making, but significantly less. That makes the position far less appealing. The commute is long, the traffic can be horrible (on toll roads) and while I like all the people here, the job is not exactly my field.

I spoke with the HR rep to whom my computer sent pornographic advertising and she was very pleasant. I'm cautiously optimistic that the inappropriate behavior of my evil PC will not adversely impact my candidacy. The job is exactly what I want and the benefits are the best I would have ever had anywhere. Next week the company will be setting up second interviews with three of the six candidates they previously interviewed. I was told at the conclusion of my first interview that I would be asked back for a follow-up interview. I hope that remains the plan. I guess I'll know next week if I'm looking at a 33.3% chance at the position. In the meantime, I'm just trying to stall my temp employer. I don't want to be unemployed again, so I can't let the bird-in-hand fly away. (Even if it is a scrawnier bird than I was looking for.)

Off to New Hampshire with Paul this weekend to celebrate our 2-year-anniversary. No, we're not taking the Corvette. He hasn't actually picked it up yet.

Gotta go...work to do.

Computer is STILL shot

2007-08-03T15:55:00.000-04:00

No, my computer is NOT up and running yet. In fact, the visit from the Geek Squad made things WORSE! They are sending a new geek this weekend, to see if he can do any better. I'm not exactly brimming with confidence.

It's been a crazy summer...and it's not over yet.

My 21-year-old son, who is in the army, is being shipped to Italy. Unfortunately, he was unable to arrange leave to come home first so we won't get to see him before his three-year assignment in Europe. We hope he will be able to come home for Christmas. At least it is Italy and not Iraq.

Well, here's a little story that should go in Reader's Digest. It's funny...but only when it's not happening to you!

I had a GREAT job interview with a health care organization yesterday. The people were great, the offices were beautiful, the benefits were absolutely OUTSTANDING! They said they’d interviewed six people (I was the sixth) and they would be having three of those return for further interviews. The hiring manager told me I would be one of those three. I left feeling very positive and excited when I left the offices. Maybe my luck was finally turning around.

Last night, I was pleased to find that my computer was sort-of working, at least well enough (I thought) to zip off a couple of thank-you emails to the folks I’d interviewed with. When I hit the SEND on the first note, the one going to the senior manager of HR, something didn’t look right. I checked my SENT MAIL folder to discover that my pleasant little thank you note had been replaced by a highly inappropriate advertisement dealing with male anatomy. I called the HR woman's voice mail, leaving a panicked message, explaining what had happened. Clearly I have a virus. I would obviously never intentionally send such an email to a prospective employer! I hope she will see humor in the irony of the situation, but I'm not counting on it.

I came in early to work and sent emails to both the HR rep – thanking her and again explaining the awful computer malfunction – and to the hiring manager. Because I was unsure if the HR rep’s email might forward (she’s on vacation until next week) and therefore the hiring manager might be made aware of the email by her back-up HR rep, I included a brief description of what had happened in my thank you note to him. So now everyone at that company who holds my future in their hands is aware of the mortifying consequences of my misbehaving computer. I was hopeful they’d see the humor in it and someone would reply telling me not to worry about it, but that has not happened. My computer may have cost me a fabulous job opportunity. I believe this is one of those situations you laugh about in retrospect; but it is anything but funny right now.

I met with my boss at my temporary job this morning. She wants me to say on here. The offer pales in comparison to what I’d get from from the other company, but it’s a job! I’d continue at my current salary, with medical and dental benefits, until the end of their fiscal year. (Which runs May to May). At that point I would become a regular employee with full benefits. We have not discussed at what salary that would be. I suspect they want to pay me less as a full-time person than as a contractor. (That’s the impression I got.) The benefits are far less impressive than those offered by the health care company. However, I haven’t sent any pornographic emails to my current boss. EGADS!

PacMan (age 13 and starting high school in the fall) and I took a four day cruise over last weekend, something I'd booked at the end of last year to take advantage of some use-them-or-lose-them credit card points. We had a nice time. I wish I could escape to the Caribbean now!

Paul and I are going to New Hampshire again the weekend of August 11. It's our two year anniversary.

A recent health scare which turned out to be nothing (but could have been fatal) put Paul back on the Corvette obsession. It's become a pursue your dreams before you die thing. He applied for a loan last week for a $32,000 car! I think it's complete insanity for him to go into that kind of debt at this point, but I kept my big mouth shut! (It wasn't easy for me.)

That's all. Okay, Hoss. There was finally something for you to read today!!

My computer is shot!

2007-07-01T21:06:00.000-04:00

Computer shot. Son's leave from army delayed - perhaps until December, though he still has to ship out to Germany by July 10. Paperwork SNAFU. Will have to set up appointment with Geek Squad when I get time.

I'm not ignoring you. Just don't have access to internet. Typing this from Paul's computer!

TGIF!

2007-06-16T00:52:00.001-04:00

I survived my first week at the temp job. I'm still feverishly looking for a permanent job. During my first week on this job there were layoffs announced. Not in my department, but some big heads rolled in what was described as a "re-organization". Yeah... I think my chances of landing a permanent job here are slim to none.

I wonder how people do temp work all the time. It's very stressful. I know all companies have their own jargon, acronyms and project codes. But for someone new, it is like going to work in a place where everyone else is speaking a different language. I'll catch on eventually, but for now, I'm often left wondering what the hell they're talking about. I couldn't handle doing this on a regular basis. I need more stability and familiarity!

Gotta go...it's late and I"m TIRED!!! This work stuff is exhausting!

Special Post for Two Drink Girl

2007-06-13T22:42:00.000-04:00

Several years ago at a car wash hosted by the calendar firemen!

Yeah...that's me! Eat your heart out ladies!

Workin' makes a person tired!

2007-06-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

I started my temp job today. I tried to take a brain dump from someone who has been there for 11 years...all in one day. Impossible! I left at 5:00 with my brain swimming! One day at work and I'm absolutely exhausted! Perhaps this is one of those cases where one should be careful about what one wishes for??

Seriously, it is good to be back working and earning a much-needed income! The commute is long - about an hour and 15 minutes each way - but it's not a bad job. It's hourly and temporary, but they are still giving me benefits and paid holidays. Any time I take off will be without pay - naturally, I have earned no paid vacation or sick time - but I was really happy to learn today that I'll be paid for the two national holidays which fall during my three-month contract.

The company will allow me to take a few days off in July for a cruise I'd already booked last year. I had some use-them-or-lose-them credit card points which I put toward a four-day cruise with my 13-year-old son. At the end of July, we'll visit Key West, Florida and Calica, Mexico. I know, I know...I can't help myself. Cruising is an obsession!

I'll also be taking a couple of days in August for another trip to New Hampshire. I tried to discourage Paul from booking it because of my job situation, but it's become an anniversary tradition. We'll visit the same White Mountains resort for a third time, to celebrate our two year anniversary.

It's just a DATING anniversary. No ring.

I really want to thank everyone who has been so supportive and offered helpful suggestions of late. I've felt as though I was living under a dark cloud, being assaulted by one bad thing after another. I'd stopped answering the phone when friends called. I haven't been to church or choir practice in two weeks. I'd even stopped praying...except about Paul's condition. I just seemed to lose all my energy, motivation and ambition. I'm finally snapping out of it, mostly due to caring friends who refused to allow me to push them away. Thanks for your patience through my self-centered whining.

THANKS!!

GOOD NEWS!!!

2007-06-07T21:33:00.000-04:00

The CT scan showed no signs of the two spots visible on Paul's chest x-ray. It did, however, indicate one small spot on his left lung. The doctor said that spot is definitely not cancer. He believes it to be nothing more than a small scar, some ruptured blood vessels or some harmless, non-asbestos material he may have inhaled prior to the test. Paul took the results to his regular physician today who told him he sees at least three cases per month of mysterious spots on chest x-rays that turn out to be nothing. To be safe, he wants to run follow-up scans every three months for a year, then drop to every six months, then go back to the once-a-year schedule. He's probably being overly cautious, but that's okay by me!!

I spent all day working in the yard today. I realized that I've done virtually nothing in two weeks. I've had no energy or motivation -- just WORRY! I felt incredibly energized today. It was great.

I spoke to my son tonight and he is unable to infer from his orders whether his assignment to Germany is semi-permanent or merely a stopping place. He said that, if he is shipped out from there, it would most likely be to Afghanistan, not Iraq. That sounds somewhat safer to me.

I'm still waiting to start my temp job. Paperwork to get me added to the payroll has been delayed by the absence of some critical people. I'm HOPING now to start on Monday. That would give me only ONE DAY to train with the woman who is going on leave. Not much time to learn a new job! Oh well...I can only do the best I can do and hope for the best.

To Dave: Loved that "bear to cross" line and you can be sure I'll be "borrowing" it without crediting you in the near future!

NEWS WEEK

2007-06-06T10:47:00.000-04:00

Paul's doctor appointment is at 2:15 this afternoon. They have refused to give him any information over the phone, insisting he make an appointment to see the doctor. To me, that sounds bad. Good news is easy to give over the phone. Bad news is better delivered in person. It's going to be a long day.

My son is suppose to get his official orders tomorrow, which we hope will indicate whether he will be staying in Germany or shipping elsewhere from there.

The hiring manager at the company where I accepted the three month consulting position was out sick on Monday so my start date has been delayed while she completes the necessary paperwork. Just so long as this job doesn't fall through like my last one!! I haven't exactly be swimming in good fortune lately!

Job update

2007-06-03T22:43:00.000-04:00

I accepted a three-month consulting position. It's with a company I interviewed with three times, the last time traveling to New York City to interview with five people from the marketing department in that location. I did NOT get the job for which I was interviewed. The folks in the local office chose me, but the New York crowd (who apparently had more clout in the decision-making process) selected another candidate.

The manager in the local office asked me to accept a temp job beginning next week and running through mid-September. She offered to provide me with medical and dental benefits and a decent salary. (Not the sort of money you hear about "CONSULTANTS" receiving, but pretty good for a regular employee.) The benefits and the fact that I only have about six weeks of savings left before going completely broke were the deciding factors in accepting the position. The job is filling in for someone on leave who will be returning. It can ONLY become permanent if one of the four people employed in that role at the company leave before September -- including the recently hired candidate chosen by the executives in NYC. Chances are very slim, so I'll have to keep looking for a full-time, permanent job. However, it gives me an income and something to do in the meantime. They had no issues with the couple of trips I had planned for the summer, which will require days off. I will not get paid for that time, but they will allow me to take the days. I'd booked a short cruise with my 13-year-old son in July. It was to use-or-lose some credit card points and I booked the trip at the end of 2006. I will only need to take three days off for that. Paul already booked us a long weekend in New Hampshire for our 2-year-anniversary in August. I told him I was uncomfortable with him making the plans, given my job situation, but he booked it anyway. Fortunately, it looks like I will be able to make it. It's a tradition. The White Mountains in New Hampshire were the site of our very first trip together and we visited again for our one-year anniversary.

Paul has a doctor appointment on Wednesday afternoon. I suspect he won't know the results of his CT scan until then. I'm very worried about the possibility of lung cancer. I fret and cry about it daily. He has to have noticed how clingy and sappy I've been for the past two weeks since the ominous x-ray. I'm so afraid of losing him. I lost two parents to cancer. In my mind, it's a death sentence.

My 21-year-old son/soldier is now telling me that he will have his official orders by this Thursday, so I hope to know something about where he's headed in early July. I'm hoping that the base in Germany is his final destination, and not a stopping place on the way to the middle east. He has three years remaining in this tour of duty. His original enlistment was for four years, but he re-enlisted for another two years. He'll be home on leave from June 27-July 9. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. This will be the first time since his enlistment that he has not been home for his birthday in late August. It will be a sad day for his mom!

I finally have a job, albeit temporary, right when all sorts of things are happening that I'd really LIKE to be off work for. This month will include:

-- My son's leave from service before shipping overseas.

-- The results of Paul's medical tests.

-- My youngest son's graduation from 8th grade.

Still...it's good to know that I have an income...AND BENEFITS...for at least the next three months! I'll hold off on the sigh of relief until after Paul get's his report from the doctor. His condition is by far the bigger concern!

Paul Turns 50 - A Weekend Off

2007-05-31T19:15:00.000-04:00

Saturday was Paul's surprise 50th birthday party. His daughter did most of the planning. It went off well and he seemed very surprised...although he later admitted he had suspected something.

We left on Sunday for our trip to Boston. I'd planned the trip as a birthday gift back when I was still gainfully employed. I chose an up-scale hotel on the Charles River, wanting to go all out on a nice place with a view. It was nice, and it really did have a lovely view, but I wouldn't stay there again. It wasn't very convenient to downtown or the subway. We found the staff to be professional, but not particularly friendly or accommodating.

On Sunday night we saw Blue Man Group. Paul's birthday was announced and the audience spoke "Happy Birthday to You". (No singing!) We were third row center and one of the blue men stepped right over us when climbing out into the audience, balancing by putting his hands on our heads. Whenever the actors came to the edge of the stage, they were looking right at us! It was awesome.

Monday we visited my cousin in Cambridge and she took us to lunch at this great Jewish deli. After that, we walked part of the Freedom Trail, stopping at the Beantown Pub to drink a toast to Sam Adams, who is buried in the cemetery directly across the street. (We toasted with Sam Adams Beer, naturally!) We also strolled through the commons and Boston Gardens. Monday night we went to Dick's Last Resort, a restaurant/bar where the waiters are surly and the patrons often humiliated. It is all in good fun. Customers are outfitted with large paper hats (think big dunce cap) with embarrassing statements printed on them, such as "I flash for cash!", "I Pee In The Shower" or "Small but proud". Last time we visited Dick's the food was just okay, but this time the food was outstanding. We had a great time there. Paul and a particular waitress spent a lot of the evening hurling insults back and forth. When we left, she was eating dinner at the bar. I walked over and said, "I know he's annoying, but he's really awesome in bed." She seemed to be left speechless by the comment, but the guy next to her nearly fell off his bar stool laughing. What can I say? I was in the moment!

Tuesday was Paul's birthday. We visited the Aquarium, then took a T-boat over to the Naval Yard to see the USS Constitution. We returned to the hotel to clean up and took the hotel shuttle (the service was too limited to be of any use most of the time) to Fanuiel Hall for our horse and carriage ride around the city. It was a short walk from there to our favorite north end restaurant, La Dolce Vita. The last time we ate there it was the owner, Franco's, birthday. We were pleased to learn the restaurant has an upbeat, party-like atmosphere all the time. The food is pricey, but absolutely outstanding. Franco claimed to remember us and did his best to make us believe it was a true statement. He and his accordion player, Antonio, sang to Paul for his birthday. It was amazing. We absolutely love that place. Remember when the Olive Garden tried to use that slogan, "When you're here, you're family"? At Franco's place, you really do feel like family when you go there. It's the best restaurant anywhere.

We tried our best to ignore the elephant in the room, rarely mentioning the ominous x-ray. Paul called the clinic when he got home and managed to schedule his CT scan for 6:30 AM this morning. I got up at 4:15 in order to drive the hour to be there to be with him. It was a ten-minute test - for which I drove an hour each way -- but I didn't want Paul to go alone. We're both trying to hide our concern from each other, neither doing a particularly stellar job. I had to go to the test this morning because I needed to do SOMETHING. I feel so helpless. The medical center anticipated that the doctor would have the results of today's test by Monday. Paul is dreading another weekend of not-knowing.

No news from my soldier. Also no job news. I did NOT qualify for unemployment, meaning that if nothing breaks soon, I will be officially BROKE before the end of July.

Things are bad...

2007-05-24T22:09:00.000-04:00

I still don't know what the army has in store for my son. After four years stationed in the US, he's been told he has to report to a base in Germany by July 10. His commanding officer has no information concerning his unit or assignment and my son is concerned that Germany may be only a stopping off point on the way to Iraq. He hopes to have more information by next week. However, each time he expects to receive more information, they tell him they still don't know anything more. I'm worried.

When my son finished high school, his father and I pushed him to DO something. Go to college or trade school, get a full-time job (with benefits), join the military... My son, never an enthusiastic student, was an easy target for the sweet-talking army recruiter and he signed up before reaching his 18th birthday. Up until now, it's been a good thing for him. But, if he's sent somewhere dangerous and is hurt or killed, I will never forgive myself for encouraging his decision to enlist.

Paul's company has provided him with regularly scheduled physicals and chest x-rays since his exposure to asbestos 20-25 years ago. Recent x-rays revealed two spots on his lungs. It will take further tests to determine for certain the origin of those spots...tests he will likely not get for another week or so. Health issues resulting from asbestos exposure generally show up 20-25 years later. That puts this ominous x-ray right on schedule. As far as I can tell, the spots can turn out to be nothing, or they can turn out to be cancer.

I'm 47-years-old and I've experienced a life-time of especially bad relationship choices. I tend to choose people who NEED me, or people who I view as better than me. Then I work to fill the need or to change myself to more adequately fill the role of whatever my boyfriend/husband considers his ideal. For the first time in my life, I'm involved with someone who really loves me...for me. He doesn't want me to take care of him. He doesn't want me to change. He just wants to make me happy. In the nearly two years we've been together, he's never stopped bringing me flowers, telling me he loves me, sending me sappy cards or calling me several times a day. I've never felt so happy, content and secure.

Paul's brother and sister both died young, from totally unrelated medical problems. He is his parents' only living child. How can God threaten to take him from them?

I can't even force myself to envision my life without Paul. I can't imagine how I could live without him.

I know I just started blogging again, but I'll probably be off-line for a while, until some of these issues are sorted out. Suddenly my financial instability seems like a minor problem. I'm in danger of losing two of the people I love most in the world. I'd gladly die to save either one of them, but I know I won't be given that choice.

My Soldier

2007-05-19T22:22:00.000-04:00

Talked with my son tonight and he thinks that his transfer to Germany is probably a stepping stone to Iraq. He won't know for absolute certain until he arrives in Germany, but I could tell he was concerned. He tried to reassure me, but that just made me more frightened. He's been in the army for almost four years now, always stationed state-side. I suppose I had come to believe his good luck would hold.

With everything else going on right now, this uncertain news is hitting me much harder than it might if my emotions were not already so fragile.

Just how much does God believe I can handle???

The Five Stages

2007-05-16T21:32:00.000-04:00

Commonly referred to as "The Five Stages of Grief", these steps actually correspond to the emotional roller coaster we experience in connection with any tramatic event. They are as follows:

#1 - DENIAL:
"This is no big deal. I'll get another job quickly. I'll get an even better job. I don't need to worry or change my plans. Everything is going to be just fine."

#2 - ANGER:
"This shouldn't be happening to me. It's so unfair. I hate my life."

#3 - BARGAINING:
"Okay, God...what do you want from me? I'll do whatever it takes to fix this situation. As a show of good faith, I'm giving up alcohol until I'm back on my feet. Under the circumstances, I shouldn't be spending money on unnecessary luxuries anyway."

#4 - DEPRESSION:
There are no quotes to use to illustrate this stage. It mostly involves laying around on the couch and crying a lot.

#5 - ACCEPTANCE:
"This situation sucks and it's never going to get better. Why should I waste time struggling, worrying and making fruitless and vain efforts to try to improve things. It's hopeless. Hell...I may as well drink."

-------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday began, as it always does, with checking my email, hoping for some job news. Instead, I got an email from the real estate website, telling me the house I wanted to buy had sold. Mentally, this did not come as a surprise. It was a great house in an upscale neighborhood with water views and lake access. It was seriously underpriced and had been on the market for over nine months. It was bound to sell long before I could get a job and rebound financially. It was none-the-less devastating...which also didn't come as a surprise. As much as I tried to convince myself of the reality I clearly recognized in my head, my heart was refusing to entirely give up the dream of living less than 10 minutes from Paul in a house where we could go kayaking, plant a vegetable garden and feel at home in a place where neither of our exes had ever lived.

That dream is dead.

Monster.com has been acting up lately, perhaps due to recent mergers with other job sites. I was frustrated over and over again yesterday, trying to apply for jobs and having the system crash before I completed the process.

I spent a lot of time in Stage #4 yesterday.

By late in the day, I'd begun to accept that I was not going to move. I stopped even looking for jobs close to Paul's house and concentrated on jobs withing a reasonable commute from my current house. Maybe it was all a foolish idea anyway. It certainly didn't make sense financially. From an economic point of view, I'm better off to stay put until Paul and I can get married and buy one place together...even if that takes another 4-5 years.

Tuesday nights are date nights. I normally drive to Paul's on Tuesday nights. Last night, I wasn't feeling sociable and knew I'd only be bad company. I didn't think I could handle putting on a happy face. I just didn't have the energy. So I drove to the liquor store and spent way too much money on a bottle of Bailey's. Last time I drank that stuff, I found myself laughing at absolutely nothing after finishing the second glass. Laughing for no reason struck me as so comical, that I had to laugh at myself. Last night, I wanted to drink myself silly.

Before I'd gotten far into my first glass, I got a call from the manager at a company where I'd interviewed but not gotten the job. She said she was so impressed with me and felt I was such a good fit for her department, she was trying to find another position for me. She didn't give me a whole lot of hope that a position would soon become available, but the ego stroking is exactly what I needed. The timing could not have been better.

After the phone call, I called Paul and asked if I could still drive up to see him, even though I wouldn't get there until about 8:00. (He'd had to be at work at 5AM that day, and I knew he'd be falling asleep by 8:30.) He decided to take the day off today, so we could spend the day together. It forced me to take a day off the frustrating and depressing job hunt, which was also something I needed.

I'm doing a lot better today. Maybe it was the ego boosting phone call. Maybe it was spending the day with the love of my life. Maybe it had a little to do with kicking that bottle of Bailey's. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

Tomorrow I'll dive back into the job search madness. Today, I took the day off. Even the unemployed need a day off when the stress gets unbearable.

ADDED HEARTBREAK:
My son who has been stateside in the army for the past four years just called to say he's being sent to Germany. He doesn't know what his job will be there or if that is his final destination or merely the origination for deployment elsewhere. I hope he will STAY in Germany. If so, it would be an interesting adventure for a 22-year-old boy. Even so, he will miss coming home for his birthday for the first time since his original enlistment. His 22nd birthday is in late August. He's due in Germany by early July. He's hoping to be able to take a leave before shipping out. I don't know when we'll get to see him again once he leaves to Europe.

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T23:23:00.000-04:00

I like to do fun things with the kids for Mother's Day. After all, if not for them, I wouldn't be a mother! So today, my 13-year-old son, PacMan, my 19-year-old daughter, C, and I went to play Monster Golf.

In 2003, this glow-in-the-dark, montster-themed, indoor miniature golf course opened inside an old dilapidated mill building in town. I thought it was a great way to utilize the old building and the indoor putt-putt was lots of fun. Earlier this year, we learned that Monster Golf had moved to a new location about 30-minutes north of us. While looking for directions today, I happened to learn something about the history of this unique entertainment center.

The founders are a local couple from this area. The wife had owned an antique auction company. Wanting to get out of that line of work, she sold the business and looked for a new venture. She wanted to remain self-employed, but was looking for a business that was primarily self-serve, required very few employees to run and would be something different. She and her husband came up with the concept for Monster Golf. A year later, her husband quit his job and they created a corporation to franchise their unique miniture golf business. A handful of locations are currently up-and-running, and another dozen are scheduled to open this year. For about $250,000, you too can buy a franchise! They sell them as turn-key businesses, setting up the course in your location and training you to run it. You share in the marketing provided by the corporate headquarters, including the website. You also share your gross profits with the corporation - to the tune of 8%.

Why am I not creative enough to think of an idea like this?? Over the course of only 3-4 years, this couple has gone from running a local, indoor mini-golf in a tiny, rural town to being a corporation which has sold over a dozen franchises for a quarter-million dollars each. Wow!

I seem to have changed subjects. Back to Mother's Day: We had a great time. We never keep score; it's a lot more fun that way. Afterward, we went out for ice cream sundaes, then came home and watched a bad, supposed-to-be-a-comedy movie.

My oldest son, age 21 and in the army, phoned home tonight to wish me a happy mother's day. He was uncharacteristically talkative and we had a really nice chat.

Tomorrow I go from Monster Golf back to Monster.com, in my never-ending and unsucessful effort to find a new job. It's really getting to me; you can't begin to imagine. But Big Dave complimented me for staying cheery in the face of catastrophe, so I'll end this post while still on a positive note!

Bad News...Good News...Worse News...

2007-05-11T08:06:00.000-04:00

THE BAD NEWS:
I didn't get that job for which I had to travel to New York City. The local office sent them two candidates and New York chose the other one.

THE GOOD NEWS:
The local office still wants to hire me and has a similar position coming open on June 11. That position would not require having to travel to New York.

MORE BAD NEWS:
June 11 means one more month's worth of bills. I'm transferring $2000/month from savings to checking to pay my bills. I can't hold out much longer.

WORSE NEWS:
The job opening is for a 3-month consultant position which may...or may NOT...become permanent. Yes, it's better than nothing and I would probably take it if not offered a permanent job between now and then. However, it does defeat the whole purpose. I would not be able to move closer to Paul for a consulting job because I could not get a mortgage based on temporary employment. The job is located up in Paul's direction, meaning that I'd have an hour and ten minute drive each way to work. I'd still be living an hour away from Paul. The entire exercise would have only added to my location problems, rather than taking steps to improve them. And in three months, I'd be right back in my current predicament.

Note to Paul N: I will check out that website you suggested today. Right after I call the bank to juggle money around. I mailed out my monthly bills yesterday afternoon!

Thanks all!

Wow...it's been a LONG time

2007-05-07T22:36:00.000-04:00

November of 2006 appears to have been my last post. At that time, I was looking for a new job, hoping to relocate closer to the love of my life, Paul. We've been dating almost two years now and living 47 miles apart. The distance is difficult to say the least. No, we can't get a place together. Divorced parents, we each have two children still living at home. Three out of those four kids are 19-22 years of age and will be leaving the nest within the next few years. In the meantime, it doesn't make sense for us to buy a place large enough to accommodate six people. So we won't be living TOGETHER...not yet. But it would be nice to live CLOSER.

In late February, I thought my job search had finally paid off. After three interviews with a large financial firm, the staffing specialist relayed an offer over the phone. She said that the "official" offer would follow via email. A little voice told me that I should consider this verbal offer to be something less than official. However, two days later, when my supervisor emailed me a meeting request in order to discuss ways to streamline some processes, I decided a meeting would be silly. After all, I was leaving! I replied by sending my letter of resignation and giving my two weeks' notice.

Can you see what's coming? I wish I'd had such insight. As I read recently on Career Builder's website, you have NOTHING until you have it in writing. Two days before I was set to leave my job, I discovered I had no new job to go to. I tried to buy some more time at my old job, saying that the start date for my new employment had been delayed. (I left out the indefinitely part.) They told me that it was too late. In big companies, where employees are mere numbers, my number had been expunged from the corporate system. I was history.

On my last day, I didn't want to even get out of bed. One of my coworkers had arranged a going-away party for me after work. He had invited lots of people, instructing them to forward the invitation to others who might be interested in attending. There was no way for me to cancel the event since I didn't even know who had been invited. I didn't tell them what happened. They all thought I was going to a better, higher-paying job. They didn't realize they were celebrating my unemployment.

As it turned out, the party was great. I couldn't believe how many people showed up. It was more heartwarming than I can describe. How could I feel sad when so many people cared about me?

I've been out of work for two months now. Fortunately, I'm conservative with money, but I won't hold out much longer without an income. I'm watching my savings account balance dwindle while my credit card balance grows.

I had three interviews the week before last. Last week I went on a third interview with a company that seemed very enthusiastic about hiring me. I was sent to meet with their marketing staff in their NYC office. That was Wednesday. I've heard nothing. This company that was supremely responsive and communicated with me frequently has gone silent. I suspect they are ducking me. Clearly I misspoke at some point during my grueling five hour/five person interview, which followed a four hour commute to the city by car, train and subway. That afternoon, I was getting slap-happy; I could have easily said something stupid. Whatever it was, it seems to have cost me the best job possibility I had going.

I have a few other irons in the fire, but none were as positive. And there seems to be nothing else out there I'm qualified to apply for. I'm feeling lower than low and very desperate.

At this rate, by the time I get a job, I will not be able to afford to move. Moving was the entire reason for the job search. (Okay, I was fed up with my previous job too - but moving was the major factor.) I'd found a GREAT house, priced way below value. It was in an upscale neighborhood, far better than I should be able to afford and across the street from a lake. Water view property with lake rights, a covered porch, a big yard and the three-season room I've always wanted. I'd have had a garage and TWO bathrooms! When the job fell through, the too-good-to-be-true dream went up in smoke.

On the plus side, my 19-year-old daughter is dating a really great guy now. After a string of guys I couldn't comprehend her interest in, I'm so glad she's finally met a nice guy from a nice family who treats her really well. I went to see my 13-year-old son's track meet today - something I never could have done had I been working. My 21-year-old son in the army bought...and wrecked...his first automobile. At least the injuries were only minor...except those to his bank account and driving record! Paul will celebrate his 50th birthday this month. I planned a long weekend in Boston before realizing I'd be unemployed, but I'm going ahead with it anyway. We'll take a horse-drawn carriage ride and dine at our favorite Boston restaurant. We'll take in some jazz and a performance by the Blue Man Group. You only turn a half-century old once in life! I'm hoping the trip will give him more to look forward to than to dread. Those decade years are never easy.

So that's it...for anyone who still stops by here. I'm broke, unemployed and depressed...but I'm still in love, and I guess that's a big enough blessing to make up for the bad stuff.

Blogged Out

2006-11-25T08:59:00.000-05:00

Like my friend, Big Dave, I've become blogged out. Those of you whom I've become friendly with have my email address. Please write. I will write back. If you'd like to stay in touch, leave me your email address. I may be around from time to time, but there's just too much going on in my life to keep up with the blog site.

I've enjoyed my experience here and I've made some great friends. Had a fabulous time with the Vegas group. I greatly enjoyed Blog Ho and will continue to wear my Ho shirt. Judy is just awesome. I barely have time to come check my own site for comments, much less visit everyone else's.

Love you guys (mean it!) and I promise to post photos of the engagement ring...should I ever get one.

;-)

On-line match meeting: an eye opening experience

2006-11-12T21:47:00.000-05:00

I viewed three houses today, in the pouring rain.

The good news is that I am so happy with the realtor I ended up with. He's honest, speaks his mind, is low pressure and just very easy to deal with. THAT was an on-line match-up that worked out well.

My dream house could very well be a dream house...if I had a whole lot more money to sink into it or if I could buy it for a whole lot less than the asking price. The location - the BEST - no lie. It's perfect. Perfect neighborhood, perfect yard, convenient location...PERFECT! The downstairs: just like the photos. Lovely. The basement: better than expected for a 106 year old house. Partially finished, dry, not bad. The garage: cluttered, but workable. The garden shed: large, adorable and the famer's porch which matches the house is just adorable. The mystery upstairs, not shown in any photos? Ewww... There's a reason there were not photos. You'd basically have to gut the upstairs and start over. Small bathroom with an old claw-footed tub and no shower would be the first to go. Wiring is insufficient - extension cords everywhere. It's awful. I know it can be fixed. We toured another 106 year old house today that an investor bought two months ago to flip and you'd be AMAZED at what it looks like inside. And I saw the photos of what it looked like before! But it was in a bad location and had problems beneath the lovely cosmetics.

So...I'm still looking, which is okay because I have LOTS and LOTS of time. I don't want to move until the spring anyway.

For those who care, that's the latest scoop. Bed now...tired!

Can things be TOO SMOOTH??

2006-11-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, Paul and I are going to see the inside of this house I fell in love with on the internet, then fell even more deeply in love with upon driving the neighborhood. I wasn't planning to list my house for sale until March or April, hoping to move next summer to be closer to Paul. Looking at houses was just a fun, educational experience. It wasn't intended to land me on a listing too tempting to ignore.

Okay, so we'll go look. What's the harm in that? The market is slow now. Maybe the house will still be available in the spring, right?

Then Paul tells me that a friend of his at work is seriously interested in my current house. What?? I'm not even ready to sell my house. Paul had me email photos of my house to his coworker, who remains interested.

At this rate, I could be moving in January. And I'm not ready for that. I didn't want to move until near or just after the end of PacMan's school year. This is all happening too fast!

Of course, it could all fall apart as quickly as it came together. I guess I'll just go with the flow and see what happens.

Update to finding love on-line...again

2006-11-05T23:30:00.000-05:00

I've revised my Bush-like "stay-the-course" plan to delay the job search until after the company bonus payout in January. Today I drove by the house pictured in the post below.

WOW!

The neighborhood is made up of older homes just oozing charm and character. All of them have good-sized, immaculately kept yards with giant mature trees. There's no spottiness about the area, no dumpy houses or junk cars up on blocks. Within a couple miles of the mall and the brand-new, ultra-modern high school, the neighborhood feels like a step back in time. I'm sure there's a Norman Rockwell painting set in the front yard of one of those houses. It's quiet, peaceful and feels secluded, but within five minutes of all the major highways. It's an absolutely amazing location. When real estate agents preach: Location! Location! Location!, THIS neighborhood is what they're talking about.

I plan to call my mortgage company tomorrow and see where I stand concerning borrowing power if I sell my house. For a couple reasons, not least of which involve the upcoming holidays, I can't be ready to put my house on the market until February 2007. For now, all I can do is try to get my ducks in a row while hoping this house doesn't sell out from under me. Once I check on financing to determine if it's even feasible (assuming the stars all align), I may make an appointment to see the inside of the house. Because of its easy access to the highway, it's actually closer to my current job than I expected. Buying the house is not contingent upon changing jobs. I would still prefer to eliminate the 45-50 minute commute each way, but I'm making that long a commute to work from I live now, so it is certainly not out of the question.

I'm trying to remind myself that this whole thing is a long-shot fantasy that may very well not be in the cards. If it's meant to be, it will all work out. If it's not, God will have another plan for me. This may be another test of my pathetic lack of patience. I so suck at patience.

Finding love on-line...again!

2006-11-03T22:13:00.000-05:00

As you know, my hope is to sell my house this coming spring and move closer to where Paul lives. We both still have adult-aged kids living at home while finishing school, so we're not yet in a position to get married and live together, but living nearly 50 miles apart is way beyond being a problem.

I've been (unsuccessfully) applying for jobs in that area. I've also been looking at real estate. The latter was purely to educate myself regarding the local real estate market for when I'm ready to start looking seriously in March or April. I've learned that the taxes in Paul's area are HALF what I pay out here in rural, eastern nowhere Connecticut. My tiny 1000 square foot 3BR/1Ba ranch on a dirt road costs me nearly $3000/year in taxes, for which I get no city-provided services such as water, sewer, garbage pick-up or a local police force. It's crazy!

I suppose I've been playing with fire. Maybe it was bound to happen. Perhaps you've already predicted what I'm about to tell you...

I've fallen hopelessly in love with a house I met on-line. It is exactly my style, from the wrap-around farmer's porch to the red and white kitchen. There's even a garden shed that matches the house...right down to the little farmer's porch! Hardwood floors, cherry cabinets and a big yard where I can plant to my heart's content. Paul drove by it today and said it's even better-looking in person. (That rarely happens with these on-line attractions.) He said the neighborhood is great - quiet with big older homes. It's away from the urban rush but still close to highway access.

The pressure is on now. I HAVE to find a job. I HAVE to sell my house. I HAVE to buy this house. OMG, it's just too cute!

I'm obsessed...

Halloween Party, 2006

2006-10-30T19:07:00.000-05:00

Where in the word is "Born Fool"???

2006-10-23T06:07:00.000-04:00

I can't reach him and I'm concerned!

Please, if you see this BF, contact me!!

Old Age

2006-10-19T09:26:00.000-04:00

I visited the doctor last night who confirmed that I am indeed old and falling apart. In addition to the high blood pressure (165/95 or 127/95, depending on which blood pressure cuff you believe) and high cholesterol (300, with only 87 of that being the "good" cholesterol), I have arthritis in my back. I guess that would explain the horrible grinding sound my back has been making for the past year. I was attributing it to an ill-advised ride on the back of a snowmobile! I have to keep a "headache log" for the next six weeks to help determine the causes and most effective treatments for my headaches. I have almost no reflexes in my legs and feet, likely the result of back surgery I had 10 years ago. I have to go for an EKG due to my irregular heartbeat and buy an in-home blood pressure monitor to check my blood pressure daily.

When did I suddenly become this elderly woman??

SAD

2006-10-14T20:24:00.000-04:00

I did not get the job. The company has reposted the job listing on Monster.com, an obvious indication that they are looking for other applicants for the position.

I can't tell you how much I want to get out of my current work environment. It has become almost intolerable. Many of my coworkers are also unhappy, which creates an atmosphere where dissatisfaction festers and grows. If misery loves company, then it is firmly entrenched in my department at work and I don't see anything changing in the foreseeable future. I was hoping this job opportunity might rescue me from this stressful and unpleasant situation. But I allowed nerves to turn my brain to mush for the first half of my interview and I threw away that opportunity. Had I done my best, not getting the job would be merely disappointing. Having failed to adequately illustrate my ability to handle the job makes losing it a frustratingly crushing blow.

not much news...

2006-10-11T22:39:00.000-04:00

The free weekend in the Catskills, payment for enduring a painful time-share sales pitch several months ago, turned out to be very relaxing. The resort was nice, although our room was in the oldest section and in pretty serious need of some updating. Still, it was large and clean and most everything in it worked. We attended an Oktoberfest on Hunter Mountain and had a lot of fun. The photo is of Paul and "the chicken lady" - one of the "characters" we met at the Oktoberfest!

I interviewed for a new job yesterday. I'd already interviewed with the department manager by phone. That went well. The in-person interview was over 2.5 hours and I met with four different people. The department manager was the first interview and it was one hour. Since I had already spoken with her on the phone, you'd think that would have been a breeze. On the contrary; I was most nervous for that portion of the interview. I REALLY hope I get the job, but I fear I may have come across as incompetent and inarticulate on the part of the interview that was the most important. I eventually calmed down and had wonderful conversations with the other three people, whose input probably carries far less weight. I'll know whether or not I totally blew it within a couple of weeks. Please say a little prayer for me. The environment at my current job has become so stressful that it is literally taking a toll on my health.

PacMan is doing fine...no more seizures.

Nothing else new to report!

"The doctor will (NOT) see you now."

2006-10-05T21:49:00.000-04:00

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. I haven't had a physical since...well, I honestly can't remember when I last had a physical. College maybe? Maybe not even then. I go the doctor when I'm sick. I completely understand the logic of preventive medicine, but who has time for it? I work in one state and live in another. I'm looking at a minimum three hours off work to go to the doctor. So I don't go much.

My "primary care physician," according to my insurance company, is a doctor I haven't seen for 10 years. (Really, I'm not exaggerating.) When dangerously high cholesterol test results (at my OB/GYN's orders - I do see him yearly), followed by an absurdly high blood-pressure reading, forced me to schedule this physical, I discovered my doctor was in the process of relocating to a new office. Funny...he'd done that 10 years ago. I never did visit that office. Now they would be forwarding my records to a new location...exactly as they'd received them from the original location.

I had stupidly left the address of the new office at work yesterday, so I went looking for it on-line this morning before my 9:00 appointment. Everywhere the doctor was listed, it was under the old address. I called information for the phone number. You guessed it - old phone number. I remembered when I had booked the appointment, the receptionist mentioned that the new office was "near the mall". I decided to drive to the mall, call the OLD office (which wouldn't open until 9AM) and get the phone number for the new office. Hopefully, I would only be a few minutes late to my appointment.

I called the old office, the one I'd never visited, around 8:45. I was hoping the receptionist might come in early. Fat chance. While sitting there, I realized that there was one of those office complexes across the street from the mall. There were about 10 buildings, each housing one or two businesses, primarily doctors, dentists, lawyers, financial counselors, etc. I drove around reading signs. The LAST building I got to had my doctor's name on it! How random is that?? I was actually EARLY for my appointment.

I filled out the normal paperwork. The nurse took my blood pressure (still high), blood sample, urine sample, weight (also too high), etc. At about 9:45, the nurse told me that the doctor wasn't coming. He'd been called to the hospital on an emergency. I would have to reschedule the appointement. They'd better not charge me another $15 co-pay!!

Three day weekend coming. Paul and I are going to the Catskills, a "free" trip we received as compensation for enduring one of those endless time share sales pitches. The fall colors should be nice there this weekend.

after work drinks?

2006-10-02T21:21:00.000-04:00

Wow...is this photo ever accurate!!!

I met my friend, Karen, for drinks after work. A person should NEVER drink on an empty stomach! This photos is DEAD ON!!! And I bet you're not looking at it with a buzz on!! Go get wasted and come back. You'll be amazed!!!

Recognition

2006-09-29T21:30:00.000-04:00

I had to get some information from one of our corporate lawyers earlier this week. When I walked into that section of the building, a woman I'd never spoken to before approached me and said:
"Hey, I just read your article!"

The article, appearing in the September issue of the magazine, was about New Hampshire and included a photo of Paul and me. She didn't know me by name, but had read my article and recognized me. I felt like an actual celebrity. It was great!!

My next article will be appearing in the October issue, on stands tomorrow. I have two more articles turned in, one of them describing the American Idol audition experience. I'm in the process of writing yet another involving television shows and movies filmed in the state of Rhode Island. I just watched "Me, Myself and Irene" the other night and it was so much fun recognizing all the places depicted in the film. There have been a surprising number of films shot in this small state.

I'm making virtually no money at it, but I'm really enjoying this writing gig.

Thanks, Kenju!

2006-09-16T08:34:00.000-04:00

Okay, Judy - done! Very early on in my blog life, I received a nasty comment from an annonymous source and stopped allowing annonymous comments. I've changed my settings to "Anyone" for Peter. I don't get many visitors these days. I guess I can't afford to be blocking anyone.

Thanks for your concern. I'm not doing very well. Still waiting for the results of PacMan's EEG test on Wednesday, although even before getting the official reading from the neurologist it was clear his brain is sensitive to certain light frequencies. It's like looking at a polygraph test and identifying the lie. You could see a huge reaction when specific light frequencies were introduced. We have to wait for the neurologists official report to see what all that means in terms of his risk factors and suggested treatment. At least the lights did not induce a convulsive seizure during the test. That was his (and my) big fear.

My Jekyll & Hyde supervisor at work has been trying my sanity. One minute she's seemingly sympathetic, the next she's admonishing me for discussing personal issues at work. (It distracts my co-workers.) People ask!! I sit in an end cube!! I've tried emailing an update, to avoid repeating the same story over and over, and was lectured about that also. (It violates the company email policy.) So how did she know about the email? Is she monitoring my out-going mail? Did one of my "friends" forward her the message?

I attended a company-sponsored health fair early this week. My normally low blood pressure is now dangerously high. They checked it both Monday and Tuesday. The stress is now beginning to become a health issue.

I wish I had some vacation time left to use. I really need a break!!

I honestly appreciate your concern, Kenju. It's nice to know people care...even people I've never met! Thanks so much!

Dance, Dance, Dance...

2006-09-08T00:58:00.000-04:00

This is just too funny.

Check it out!

American Idol Auditions

2006-09-05T21:02:00.000-04:00

It was an exhausting weekend. After a delay in Chicago, our flight didn't arrive in Nashville until after midnight on Thursday night. (1AM New England time) We arrived in Memphis around 4AM on Friday morning. By the time we'd reached Memphis, I'd been awake for nearly 24 hours straight. We had just enough time to check into the hotel, change clothes, brush our teeth and jump in a cab for the Fed Ex Forum.

We were in line just after 5AM. I would estimate there were 500-1000 people in front of us by then. Clearly the warning that people who camped out in line the night prior to registration risked being disqualified was universally ignored. The registration process began earlier than the reported 8AM. "C" was registered by a little after 10AM. We were given wristbands (I got a guest wristband so I could attend auditions) and tickets for the event on Sunday. Then we walked around town and found a place to have an early lunch. Still on New England time, 10:30 felt like 11:30 to us and we were hungry. We returned to the hotel and slept for about four hours. We'd been up for approximately 30 hours and we were totally exhausted.

We drove back downtown later that evening to have dinner and walk around the legendary Beale Street, taking in all the live music there. Since we were already registered, we didn't have to return to the Forum on Saturday, so we went to Graceland. Neither of us are really Elvis fans, but I believe all visitors to Memphis are required by Tennessee law to tour Graceland while in town. That night we went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. The fortune cookie my daughter received could not have been more ominous. It read: "You are not a failure because you didn't make it. You are a success because you tried." EGADS!!!

Sunday was audition day. The American Idol website implied that the order of auditions would be determined by the order in which people registered. However, we were not given a number or audition time and the paperwork instructed us to return to the arena between 5AM-6AM, although the process would be commence until 8AM. This made us assume that we needed to line up early to insure an audition before time expired. We awoke at 2AM and were outside the FedEx forum by 3:30AM. We later learned that contestants were called to audition based on their seat assignment - remember those tickets were were issued at registration?? As it turns out, we could have slept another 4-5 hours!! Sigh...

At 8:00, we were all moved to the front of the building where we were posed for camera shots. Someone on a scaffold, using a megaphone, informed us that this was the largest group of auditioners at any of the locations for American Idol, Season 6. He said there were 16,000 registered to audition that day. We were asked to go through a series of cheers and chants for the camera, crowd scenes to appear on opening shows. By 9:00 or so, we were allowed inside. Once seated, were were taught the first two verses of Chuck Berry's song, Memphis, and performed a group sing for the cameras. We were instructed to do more group chants and cheers, including one for Randy: "Randy, You ain't nothing but a hound...DAWG." The lack of sleep made all this promotional stuff seem more annoying than exciting and we began to wonder when they were going to begin the auditions. With 16,000 people to get through, time seemed critical.

Auditions began around 10:30. They set up 12 tables running the width of the arena. Contestants were sent to the floor by section and lined up in groups behind each table in lines of three or four across. The judges called up the first 3-4 people and had them audition, stopping each around 30 second into their performance. After they'd heard the small group, they'd dismiss them to have their wristbands cut off. A lucky few were handed "golden tickets" which allowed them to proceed to another door. Being issued a golden ticket meant those people would return the next day for a second set of auditions. We were not really told at what point in the process hopefuls might actually see the celebrity judges.

We were in the 10th of approximately 40 sections. If the producers hoped to be completed before midnight, there was no way they could audition everyone in the arena. "C" was auditioned at 1:30. She did not receive a golden ticket. The judge told her she had an "amazing" voice, but needed to work on her performance skills. She apparently didn't exude the "star" quality they were looking for.

She was satisfied with her audition, feeling she'd done her best, so she wasn't devastated - although certainly disappointed. I think about 4,000 people auditioned by the time we left the stadium and only about 15-20 had been passed through for call-back auditions. As we suspected, the odds are roughly equal to winning big money buying a lottery ticket.

I'd booked our return flight for Tuesday, allowing us Monday in Memphis in the event "C" was asked to return for an additional round of auditions. With a free day, we took in the Memphis Zoo instead - a really lovely zoo, by the way.

We're back home now, tired and still on Central Time. It's hard to believe it's all over, after so much build up. I have to return to work tomorrow and I guess life will go back to normal. Maybe I should stop and buy a lottery ticket on my way to work.

PacMan

2006-08-28T18:24:00.001-04:00

PacMan sees the neurologist on Thursday morning. I'm happy they're seeing him so quickly, but concerned he will miss his very first day of 8th grade. His EEG is currently scheduled for September 13, but I don't know if that will be changed following the appointment on Thursday morning.

Photo-sensitive epilepsy, which on-line research suggests this is, often appears just prior to puberty and sometimes disappears after puberty. Triggers include light reflecting off a pond or lake, sunlight filtering through trees, CRT computer screens and video games. I've already ordered an LCD computer monitor and we're checking with the school to see what sort of computers they use. My daughter told me that there was a girl in her class when she attended the middle school who had a computer-induced seizure. The school provided her with a laptop computer. We'll either have PacMan excused from computer class or have them provide him with a safe monitor. Medications, while safer than those of earlier days, still include risks, most notably to liver function. Most common side effects include fatigue and weight gain. We're hoping to avoid medication, at least until he reaches driving age. Seizures are apparently more frightening than dangerous, so long as they don't last longer than 4 minutes and do no occur in clusters. Avoiding video games, providing PacMan with polarized sun glasses and teaching him coping mechanisms (for instance, covering one eye when faced with a threatening light stimulus - closing both eyes merely allows the offensive light to enter through the eyelids), may serve as sufficient protection so long as he's not driving or swimming.

I leave Thursday afternoon for Memphis, where my daughter hopes to get an opportunity to audition for American Idol. I'll update you all when I return...assuming the stress hasn't killed me by then!!

PS: Thanks, Amanda, for your cheerful email.

Sheer terror

2006-08-23T19:35:00.000-04:00

My oldest son arrived home on Sunday, on leave from the army for a week and a half. Yesterday was his 21st birthday, so I planned a party at Dave & Busters. He is hugely into video games and Dave & Busters is a combination restaurant/game arcade. There were nine of us there in all, including his sister (C), brother (PacMan) and his father (my ex).

After dinner, I stayed behind to settle the bill while the others went off to play games. I caught up with PacMan and his Dad at a boxing game. Between rounds, PacMan looked off to the side at a wall screens featuring race track images. It was over a set of virtual race cars. It became clear that PacMan (age 12) was zoning out and didn't hear us speaking. I touched his face, thinking he'd snap out of it. He didn't. His dad grabbed him from behind, attempting to turn him away from the screens that seemed to be mesmerizing him. PacMan's head flew back and he began to go into a seizure. His dad lowered him to the floor and I ran to the bar, screaming for an ambulance. I have no clear recollection of time. A nice man who came by to help - even stopping by the hospital later that night to check on PacMan's condition - told us that the seizure lasted about four minutes. My dog is epileptic, so I have witnessed seizures. It's far different when it's your child, rather than you pet. Also, my beagle has never once become unconscious following a seizure. PacMan was was completely out, pale with his mouth open. I thought he was going to die. I think at one point, I thought he was dead. I remember in my hysteria, someone taking my hand and pressing it to PacMan's chest saying, "Feel his heartbeat. He has a good strong heartbeat."

PacMan remained unconscious for 10-15 minutes, coming to just as the EMTs arrived. He was still groggy and not really responsive, but he showed some signs of being aware. He has no memory of any of this. A CAT scan revealed no brain injuries. He'll have to return to the hospital for a brain EEG. He's very afraid of it happening again. He slept in my room last night, afraid to be alone. I was glad. I'd have been up checking on him all night anyway. We're not sure what caused it and still face all sorts of tests, but the worst is over. I've never felt so afraid that one of my children was about to die. There's no describing that feeling of horror and helplessness. I never want to witness anything like that again!

Promote Your Favorite Product

2006-08-19T15:09:00.000-04:00

I have very little name-brand loyalty. I shop almost exclusively by price for my day-to-day purchases. I question the claims of advertisements promising superior performance. It's all just a lot of Madison Avenue bulls##t, isn't it??

I admit that I have been amazed on rare occasions, by a product that performed above and beyond even my most optimistic expectations. I'm sure you have had such experiences as well.

I thought it might be nice to spread the wealth and let people know about these special finds. There are so few really valuable products out there; so few items live up to the claims of their advertisements.

Here's one that you will rarely (if ever) need, but you will thank me for this bit of information if that need ever arises.

It seems anytime I get a sore inside my mouth from brushing my teeth too vigorously or inadvertently biting the inside of my lip, it becomes a painful canker sore. Canker sores generally last about two weeks, during which time it hurts to eat salty or spicy foods because they irritate the sore. This product, KANKA, not only numbs the area, but covers the canker sore with a waxy coating, preventing food from causing further pain and irritation. While canker sores may be a very occasional problem, finding a product that treats it in such an effective manner is a God-send. (Or, in this case, a Whizzer-send.) If you ever get these painful mouth irritations, keep a bottle of this on hand. It's not cheap...about $5/bottle. You can't share it as the applicator has to come in contact with the inside of your mouth. You're unlikely to use the entire bottle before the product expires, unless you get a LOT of mouth sores. But trust me...it's worth every penny of the purchase price.

Tell me your wonder-product story.

New Hampshire - Take 2

2006-08-16T22:42:00.000-04:00

Well, Big Dave...we made it to the summit of Mount Washington!

But I have to admit that we cheated! As an anniversary gift, I gave Paul tickets to ride the Cog Railroad up Mount Washington.

When we arrived in New Hampshire on Sunday, we were told that visibility was next to zero on the top of the mountain and the temperature, taking into account the wind chill factor, was in the area of 19-degrees! We decided not to venture up the mountain until (and unless) conditions improved. I called the ranger station Monday morning and was given advice to "Go for it!" If I had it to do again, I'd drive up to the summit. The train is interesting, but I didn't think it was worth the hefty price tag.

We visited the Mount Washington Hotel while were were in the area. WOW! What a beautiful place. What a gorgeous view!

We sipped cocktails on the veranda and decided to return the following night for our anniversary dinner. The hotel has a casual, but extremely pricey, BBQ buffet outside on the patio nightly, featuring peel and eat shrimp, salad, BBQ chicken, curry pork, various vegetables and grill-to-order steaks, salmon, cat fish, burgers and hot dogs. The food was absolutely fabulous, making it difficult to find room for the cheesecake, cherry pie, peacan pie and other fabulous dessert offerings! There was live music and this view!!

Well worth the $32.50/per person price tag!

We did lots of hiking, took the sky ride to the top of Loon Mountain, went to Clark's Trading Post (those bears are so cute!) and the time simply vanished! I'll be back at work tomorrow, wondering why the time leading up to the vacation seems to last forever, but the time during the vacation flies by so fast you wonder where it went??

Anniversary

2006-08-12T09:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first date with Paul.

While at work, I got a call from the receptionist saying I had a "special package" at the front desk. This is what I found.

Paul had placed the order with a florist near my office, telling him that he wanted it to have a really large balloon - something that couldn't help but be noticed floating above the sea of cubicles that make up my office environment. I'd say the florist got his point! What Paul didn't realize was that the balloon, in addition to being VERY large, played music! Tap it and you hear two verses of "Roses are Red, My Love". Romantic, yes. But trust me, the song can get annoying after about two dozen renditions.

People in the adjoining cubes found it extremely entertaining to toss things over the walls of the cubicle in an attempt to hit the ballon, causing it to sing. Late in the afternoon, an executive from the other side of the office approached me and said, "This has GOT to stop!" IT WASN'T ME!!!

Trying to walk to my car through the large parking lot at the end of the day and and avoid looking too conspicuous carrying this enormous balloon wasn't easy. The effort was further hampered when a breeze blew the balloon against my shoulder. "Roses are Red, My Love...Violets are Blue...Sugar is Sweet, My Love...But Not as Sweet as You." Roses were not the ONLY thing that was RED.

Paul was delighted at the impact his delivery had made on my office.

We met for ice cream last night at the site of our first date. I'd created a book for him, telling the story (in words and photos) of our first year together. (See...I can be a sappy romantic too!!) He gave me a white and yellow gold Citizen's watch with diamonds around the face. I usually wear $10 watches from WalMart! I'm going to be afraid to wear this watch except for dressy occassions!! It's probably the most expensive piece of jewelry I own. (Admittedly, that's not saying much. I'm not exactly a jewelry fanatic.)

He also gave me the most beautiful card, which described this sentiment in three panels:

"All I want to do is to love you forever..."

Awww...

Regarding recent comments:

2006-08-10T22:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry, Paul! Thanks for missing me! And I'm so glad you stopped by, Merkin. You were one of those disappearing bloggers I'd referred to in a previous post!! I've been insanely busy lately. I know...I know...that's what all of us absentee bloggers say. And you have to wonder: Is she really so busy or is she just staying away to make it appear as though her life is wildly interesting? If I was busy with anything substantially interesting, I'd find time to post about it!!

The news in my world, for the few of you who still check in (the few,the proud, the unbelievably loyal...):

I've written two more articles since you last heard from me. The one concerning vacationing in New Hampshire will appear in the September issue of the magazine and the one about Autumn events in Rhode Island will be in the October issue. I have a tentative assignment for the November issue, space permitting.
Speaking of New Hampshire, Paul and I will be heading there on Sunday, August 13-Wednesday, August 16. We're returning to the first place we traveled together in honor of our one-year-anniversary.
Speaking of anniversaries, Friday, August 11, marks the one year anniversary of the day Paul and I met (in person). We discovered each other through an internet dating service. (Specifically Match.com, for Dave's benefit. You should give it a try, Poopie. After about 20 frustrating and irritating months on-and-off the site, it eventually worked for me!) Paul and I had our first in-person meeting at an ice cream shop on August 11, 2005. We'll be returning there Friday night to reminisce.
Speaking of ice cream, my biggest high-calorie weakness, I just had my cholesterol levels checked and discovered my LDL is at 200, putting me solidly in the VERY HIGH category. I have to see my primary care physician for a physical when I return from Memphis in early September.
Speaking of Memphis, my daughter has decided to sing the CarrieUnderwood song, "Jesus Take the Wheel" for her American Idol audition. (Assuming we make it that far!) A few of you have heard her singing that song on a recording of one of our church services, during which she performed it. I'd post the recording on this blog, if I knew how!! SHE has it posted on her MySpace, making her officially more technically proficient than her mother.
Speaking of proficient, I got my annual raise at work. The 2.7% increase won't come close to keeping up with the cost of gas required for my 30-mile commute (each way).
Speaking of commutes, I'm still toying with the idea of selling my house next summer and moving closer to where Paul lives. The slumping real estate market is a double edged sword, since I'll be both selling and buying.
Speaking of weapons (admittedly a weak seque), my older son will be home on leave from the army from August 20-August 31. We'll be celebrating his 21st birthday on the 22nd.
Speaking of young men, I just learned that Hoss has a girlfriend! I'm unbelievably happy for him (God knows he deserves all the happiness in the world!), while at the same time jealous as hell that he's fallen for someone else! I was willing to share the wealth that is Hoss with my fellow bloggers like Vicki, Tish, Poopie and Kenju, but this latest revelation is challenging the limits of my ability to stifle my posessive tendencies. However, for the sake of his obvious happiness, I will keep my rabid envy to myself. All kidding aside, you know I love you, Hoss - always have. And I'm truly thrilled with your happiness!

That's it!! See...nothing wildly interesting! And I left out all the REALLY dull stuff!

American Idol

2006-07-27T23:11:00.000-04:00

Remember those $200 worth of airline coupons I received from Southwest Air following a bad flight experience back in February of this year? I had intended to use them toward the purchase of two more tickets to Vegas, so Paul and I could return in April or May. Instead, I will be putting them toward the purchase of two tickets to Tennessee over Labor Day weekend. I'm taking my daughter to audition for American Idol.

I know it's a long shot. I believe she has tremendous talent, but I am well aware that it is impossible for me to be objective. It's also a fact that talent frequently has little to do with who becomes successful in the music industry and who remains a complete unknown. In the entertainment business, it has far more to do with luck, connections, timing and visual appeal than with raw talent.

The audition process is grueling. Registration occurs for two days prior to the audition. The website warns against trying to camp out the night before, in order to better your position in line. They ask that you show up no earlier than 5AM for the 8AM registration. Will contenstants abide by that? Registration will continue until producers choose to end it. You could, theoretically, show up on day two of registration and find it closed. Being lucky enough to register does NOT guarantee you an audition. Registration earns you a wristband, allowing you into the theatre on audition day. Contestants will be called, supposedly in the order they were registered. When they run out of time, auditions are over. You could wait in line for two days, get registered to audition, and never be called. We could spend all the time, money, effort and cherished vacation days and my daughter could return home having never sung a note.

Then again, she could impress the judges, land a spot on the show and - even if she doesn't win - catch the eye (ear) of someone in the business who could offer to help launch her career. Yes, I know it is a tremendous long-shot and the stuff upon which romantic FICTION novels are based.

Am I insane??

------------------------------------------

If one of you high-tech types could help me post a sound file, I could give you all a sample of my daughter's singing.

Disappearing blogger

2006-07-25T19:20:00.000-04:00

We have all experienced it:
You visit a blog site, you gain some insight into someone else's life and in some small way, you grow to care about what happens to that person. And then, after a while, you begin to visit and realize nothing ever changes. It's the same thing...day after day. What happened? Is he ill? Did she go on another cruise? Has some horrible tragedy struck?

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find time to log on. There is no horrible tragedy - quite the contrary. My life is quite full of good things. Those things just seem to take up so much time. I didn't get home from work until after 6:00 tonight. I made dinner and did a few chores, and Paul called. I had to hang up with him when my sister called. I'd barely ended that conversation when my son called. Finally I had to call Paul back. Now it's 9PM and I feel like I've gotten nothing done!

I made a decision this past weekend. In the spring, I'm going to sell my house. It will be emotional for me. I bought this place three years ago and it is the first home I've ever owned by myself. I found some photos over the weekend - photos from the first time my sister and nephew visited me for Christmas. It was only a couple of months after we moved into the house and we hadn't replaced the carpet or vinyl floor. We hadn't stripped the wallpaper or painted. We hadn't replaced the kitchen cabinets or painted the awful dark brown paneling, doors or trim. The house looked entirely different in those photos. It made me regret not having specifically taken "before" photos of the house prior to beginning the updating. I live in a very different home than the one I bought - and I love my house, I really do. But it is 43 miles from my door to Paul's. That's a one hour drive. Anytime we want to see each other, it requires one of us to do TWO HOURS of driving. It's not like we can just stop by to watch a movie after work. To visit for just three hours - dinner and a movie at home - requires five hours including travel time. We generally only see each other twice a week - Wednesday nights and one day on the weekend. Since I have my 12-year old son Thursday afternoons through Sunday mornings, the weekend is family time. Last Saturday Paul and my son worked on my roof, fixing my leaky chimney, while I worked in the yard (pulling weeds that turned out to be poison ivy - but that's another story). The distance is growing increasingly difficult to tolerate. It is nearly impossible for two people to have a relationship under these conditions.

We can't live together. I won't do that without being married. It's not that I have moral issues with cohabitating in general - only when children are involved. I think it's unfair to put kids in that situation. It sets a less-than-ideal example and it forces them into an awkward position. How is he supposed to identify to his friends that guy who lives with his mom? And how long is that guy going to be around anyway?

We can't get married. Paul lives with his kids, both in their 20s, both with a year to a year-and-a-half left of college or graduate school. Realistically, they are likely to be living at home for at least a few more years. That would make us a family of SIX! Where would we live? Even if money were no object, it doesn't make sense to buy a house to accommodate six people, when that house will be way too large in only a few short years.

My oldest is in the service and out of the house. My other two kids are 12 and 18. Neither of them will soon be ready to leave home, especially the 12-year-old. The kids who are approaching the leaving-the-nest age are both Paul's. The issue of when they might move out was threatening to become a touchy subject. Paul and I are both growing increasingly bothered by the long-distance issues, however I don't want it to appear that I wish his children would get out of the house. I don't want him to feel stuck in the middle. I don't want the kids to feel like they're interfering with our lives. And I don't like having the direction my future entirely dependent upon the decisions of someone else.

So I've decided to move. I'll spend the next year doing those little things around the house that might help make it appear more appealing (and valuable) to a buyer and list it in April or May. The spring/summer is the best time to sell because, as an obsessed amateur landscaper, my yard looks best during those months and could serve as my most appealing selling point. I've checked house prices and I can replace my house with a similar one in Paul's area for about the same amount of money. I'm hoping the move will reduce my stress level and add some time back into my day.

So...I apologize for being one of those horrible absentee bloggers. I haven't posted. I haven't visited. I've tried to at least email a few of you. I ABSOLUTELY do think of you - honestly. I'm just out of balance lately.

Polite Rejection

2006-07-17T18:24:00.000-04:00

We actually received quite a nice response from the owners of that piece of property we had fallen in love with. They are not interested in selling it, but they took the time to send a very nice reply to our inquiry nonetheless.

To help explain the charm of the property, here is a photo of the view of the lake from the back yard. Pretty nice, huh?

Seems the owners are very sentimental and the property has been in the family since the 40s/50s. Being a sentimental old fool myself, I understand 100%.

I realize I've been just AWFUL about visiting your blogs and I'm horribly sorry. I have to turn in another article tonight (this will be #6!). I hope to have a little more time for electronic socializing after that.

Thanks for not forgetting about me, despite my having become a virtual hermit!!

Why is the rum always gone?

2006-07-16T16:43:00.000-04:00

If you liked the first "Pirates of the Caribbean" you will not be disappointed by the sequel. The sometimes-over-the-top computer animation, which makes Davy Jones and his crew far more gruesome than would be possible with make-up alone, does not detract from the story or the characters. Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan (among others), all return for this second Pirate adventure and you'll find them just as entertaining as they were the first time around.

It's a good movie to see on the big screen, so cough up the $10 and go to the theatre. But skip the popcorn. You're going to want to save money for Pirates #3. Trust me...you'll be anxiously anticipating the third movie the minute the second one ends - despite the nearly 2.5 hour run-time!

Where does it go?

2006-07-13T19:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't been around much. Where does the time go??

My daughter sailed through having two teeth extracted last week…only to end up with "dry socket", a very painful condition where the patient somehow loses the blood clot which has begun to form over the wound. This exposes the nerves, slows healing and produces far more pain than the extraction itself. The doctor prescribed a pretty strong pain medication, but she can only take it at night because it's a narcotic. During the day, she's popping Ibuprofen and chewing on a teething ring I bought her at the pharmacy. I read that the condition generally lasts about a week, so hopefully she'll be feeling better soon.

We tracked down the owners of that piece of lake-front property Paul and I fell in love with. They live in North Carolina. We tried phoning them over the July 4th weekend, only to discover that their phone service had been disconnected. I wrote them a letter last week and we've been hoping, although not really EXPECTING, to hear something in response. Last night we were in the area and drove over to visit "our place". The owners have clearly not yet received the letter I mailed to North Carolina because they are staying in the house in Massachusetts! The windows were open, the lights were on, the lawn had been mowed and they had torch lights out in the yard. It looked really nice "lived in", but the dream seemed far more plausible when it was a boarded up building on an over-grown lot. I really wish we hadn't driven by. I didn't really expect the owners to jump at the opportunity to sell the property to us, but stubbornly clinging to the fantasy was nice while it lasted.

One of Paul's coworkers won a million dollars on a scratch ticket last weekend. Wow…people really do win those things! Unfortunately, not ME!! (I suppose my odds might improve a little if I actually bought a ticket.)

Paul and I will celebrate the one year anniversary of the day we met on August 11. Paul and I actually met through an on-line dating site. August 11th was our first in-person meeting. We met at an ice cream shop located between our two homes. If you've ever ventured into the sometimes-frightening world of internet dating, you know that most first dates are ONLY dates. It doesn't pay to allow yourself to work up too much enthusiasm. No matter how great someone seems in email or on the phone, you can't really know how you'll click until you meet face-to-face. That elusive thing referred to as "chemistry" is very powerful and it's not all about physical attraction. In most cases, you can tell within the first few minutes whether or not you want to arrange a date #2. Rare are the occasions when both people involved feel motivated to see each other again. I was active in the on-line dating scene off-and-on for about 20 months. Prior to meeting Paul, I had gone on only one SECOND date. But soon after meeting, Paul and I were making plans for dinner the following night. During that dinner, I invited him to a party I was attending a couple days later. Each date led to another and here we are…one year later. 13 months ago, I would not have been a promoter of internet dating. I frequently spent months avoiding the website entirely. But I know Paul and I would not have met any other way so I'd have to say the process works. It can be a very slow and frustrating process…but eventually, it works.

Planning ahead…Paul and I hope to return to Vegas for another visit next April. Anyone interested?? VEGAS, BABY!!

"No problem"

2006-07-06T09:31:00.000-04:00

My 18-year-old daughter needs to have two teeth pulled in advance of beginning her Invisalign treatment. I scheduled the appointment about three weeks ago. Thinking it best that she not drive herself home following the procedure, I asked my ex if he could take her. A college professor, he's off for the summer. I would need to take a day off work to take her myself. He agreed - "No problem."

He called this weekend to say, "Oops!" He'd scheduled an appliance repair appointment at the exact same time as our daughter's appointment to have the teeth extracted. He would be unable to take her.

I rarely ask my ex for a favor. You may consider driving his daughter to the oral surgeon more of a parental responsibility than a personal favor, but I'm quite certain that he doesn't view it that way. On the rare occasions when I do ask him to handle something of this nature for me, I always have a back-up plan. "Oops!" is not an uncommon occurrence.

Paul is off work this week, taking vacation time to get some work done around his house. He's taking my daughter to her appointment this morning. Paul lives nearly an hour away from us. The oral surgeon is located 20 miles from our house - another 30 minutes of driving in the opposite direction. Doing me this favor requires three hours of driving and a good chunk of the time he'd earmarked for his own to-do list. But when Paul says, "No problem," he means it.

-------------------------------
UPDATE:
My daughter survived her appointment with the oral surgeon. It was apparently easier than she had anticipated. She only took the Novocain - no laughing gas. They told her to use over-the-counter pain relievers as needed. The whole thing took less than an hour, including the paperwork. At the moment, her biggest concern seems to be facial swelling causing her to look like a chipmunk.

"It is more important to LOOK good than to FEEL good."

This saying is especially true when discussing teenaged girls!!

Call me naive

2006-06-29T22:11:00.000-04:00

I'm a regular church-going Christian of the Protestant variety. I have fairly regular debates with a friend at work who is Catholic. Don't get me wrong...I'm not one of those Christians who believes the Catholic faith to be something OTHER than Christian. It’s just that I don't understand why so many people insist on calling themselves Catholic and grudgingly following church edicts and traditions that they quickly admit to considering a complete farce.

I certainly don't agree with every idea and belief that is preached at my own church. I don't honestly feel anyone can agree 100% with everything about their church unless they go out and found their own religion. While there may be one Catholic Church, there are many different Protestant churches. Lots of people, from Martin Luther to John Calvin, tried to rid the church of the greedy and self-serving priestly class of the day, in an effort to create a more spiritually pure religion.

For the most part, Protestants are simply not so rigid about what it takes to be considered faithful. Sure, Protestants have some traditions and religious rituals. The difference is that we are quite open about the fact that the rituals are just for show. Communion is a way of remembering and commemorating the last supper. There is nothing magical or spiritual about the bread or the wine. Baptism is just a public display, an indication of your chosen beliefs. (Or in some cases, the chosen beliefs an infant's parents hope to pass down to that child.) Not being baptized in no way condemns anyone. An individual's relationship with God is between that person and God. All that other stuff is just fluff.

And the relationship issue is something we take very seriously. As I'm always telling my Catholic friend, I would NEVER confess my sins to a priest. A priest is just a man. What right does he have to dole out punishment for my sins?? How presumptuous and cocky is that?? What makes him think that telling me to say three "Hail Mary's" makes me square with my maker? What makes him think he has a more direct line to the almighty than I have? I take my confessions, my praises, my requests and my gratitude and deliver them all direct - personally. I will never rely on a live priest or a dead saint to deliver MY important messages to MY God. Not a chance.

What incited today's rant?

My Catholic friend just became engaged. He has been married and divorced and has a six-year-old son who lives with him the majority of the time. His fiancée has never been married. Both are good Irish Catholics from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. My friend grudgingly, but generously, supports his local parish. This generosity helped to provide a miraculous opening in the exclusive Catholic school where he wanted his child to attend. His continued generosity, as he is quick to explain, insures his child will still have that place next year.

Because his fiancée wants to get married in the church, in Ireland no less, this friend will pay what he calls an "honorarium" to the church, in order to be allowed to remarry in the church.

The Catholic Church doesn't recognize divorces granted by the state. Jesus said, "A man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery." The Catholic Church takes this idea very seriously.

Or does it?

I asked my friend, "If you pay the church to expunge your previous marriage, what does that make your son? Is he now illegitimate, given that you were never married to his mother in the eyes of your church?"

Now this friend has pretty strict standards, despite his willingness to throw money at whatever establishment he has to appease in order to get things done. He explained that he was very clear with his fiancée that he would not get an annulment for the very reason I suggested. He said that his "generosity" would allow the church to consider him more-or-less a widower, without the messy hassle of having to do away with his first wife. He didn't explain to me exactly how a religious institution could, for a fee, erase a previous marriage or - better still - declare the ex as good as dead! (How many of us have indulged in THAT fantasy at some point?)

My friend explains all these ins-and-outs of the Catholic Church to me with obvious distain, and yet he wouldn't even consider changing his church affiliation. For Catholics in New England, the faith is almost like Judaism to a Jew. It's more of a culture and a heritage than a faith. To me, that's just bizarre.

Equally bizarre is how little most Catholics know about their own religion (Kira being a noted exception). I visited an exhibit in Quebec depicting the twelve Stations of the Cross. I was curious about Veronica. I'd never heard of her before. Since we'd driven to Canada and I had a Bible in the car, I read every single verse describing the crucifixion. Veronica was nowhere. Returning to New England, I questioned my Catholic friends. Not ONE of them knew. I finally located her in one of the Gnostic Gospels - a very minor reference in a writing that was not even considered valid enough during the reign of Constantine to have been included in the Bible. And yet, there she was in the Twelve Stations of the Cross. And, because Mel Gibson is Catholic, she was also included in "The Passion of the Christ." But ask a Catholic where she's mentioned and they won't be able to tell you - although they will be absolutely certain that she's in there somewhere.

We're all a little too certain about what we THINK is in the Bible, aren't we? For instance, before you read "The DaVinci Code", had you ever wondered about Mary Magdalene? Curious by nature, I tried looking up a reference to her sinful life that was mentioned by the assistant pastor at our church once. I discovered that Mary is never described as a prostitute in the Bible. The only possible reference is one in which she declares that Jesus "freed her from her demons." That could mean anything. For some reason, who knows why, Mary has been depicted for centuries as a woman of low moral character who was reformed by Jesus. Forget the whole DaVinci Code conspiracy theory, there's simply no reason to believe that Mary ever turned tricks for a living.

Hmm...my intent was not to bash religion in general. I only meant to make an observation about how little has changed since the days when Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of that church in Wittenberg.

Graduation!

2006-06-25T23:26:00.000-04:00

I think she's more excited right now about the 30-GB IPOD she won as a door prize at the senior party. I'm more excited about the diploma. Yes, it rained. It poured. The ceremony we indoors. Any photos taken during the ceremony include the gym's rock-climbing wall!! But it was GREAT!! And isn't she beautiful?

High School Reunions

2006-06-23T20:10:00.000-04:00

Here's your post, Kenju! Thanks for the idea!

My high school class never managed to organize a 25-year reunion. We had a ten-year and a twenty-year reunion, but then somehow ran out of steam before reaching the silver anniversary.

I attended the earlier reunions and can offer some general observations.

Men attend their class reunion if they are successful in their careers or can at least pretend to be.
Women attend their class reunion if they feel confident that they have aged as well or better than their classmates.
The couple who dated all through high school - the one everyone considered a horrible mismatch - will be happily married.
The plain girl you barely noticed in high school will have become beautiful and the beautiful girl you lusted for in high school will not have aged gracefully (but will be blissfully unaware of this fact).
You will NOT spend the evening chatting with those you were closest to in high school. You will spend the evening talking with those you were friends with back in elementary school.
Few, if any, attendees will dance.

In 1998, the year of my 20-year class reunion, I was the mother of three children, ages 13, 11 and 5. I had graduated from a high school in a very small town in northern New Jersey. In 1998 I lived in an even smaller town in western Connecticut. The distance constituted about a four to five hour drive. I'd arranged for a day-care worker from my youngest son's preschool to stay at the house to look after the kids and the dog while my then-husband and I spent the weekend in Jersey. A former teacher of mine, with whom I'd remained friends, was going to be out of town that weekend, but offered to let us stay in his home - a huge and very lovely Victorian with an in-ground pool!

Around 4PM the day before we were to leave, I got news that our sitter's mother had taken ill. Our sitter would be unable to stay with the children as planned. It was far too late to find someone else. We were faced with a dilemma. In retrospect, we probably could have called the hotel where the event was being held to see if we could book a last-minute room and then taken the kids with us. For some reason, we never thought of that. Instead, my then-husband stayed home and my daughter (ever the party girl, even at 11) and I headed for New Jersey.

We drove around town and I showed her my childhood home, my school, my old neighborhood. We swam in our host's pool. That night, we drove over to the hotel for the big event - just me and my 11-year-old, female escort. Soon after arriving, I bumped into a woman I'd been friends with in what would now be called junior high. (There was nothing formal between elementary school and high school in those days.) Naturally she asked where I was living, and I responded that we lived in a small town inConnecticut, over near the Rhode Island line. She asked me to name the town. I replied that I was certain she'd have never heard of the tiny place with a population of about 4,000. She insisted. When I provided the name, recognition immediately appeared on her face. "Oh," she said, "Betsy is a teacher there! Do you remember Betsy Jones? Only her name is O'Malley now." At those words, my daughter's eyes opened wide. "Mrs. O'Malley?? The math teacher??" We'd driven for hours, from one tiny little obscure town in Connecticu to another tiny little obscure town in New Jersey, only to discover my daughter's math teacher was there! What are the chances??

My daughter didn't spend too much time marveling the coincidence. She befriended a classmate of mine I didn't for the life of me remember. He had become a struggling actor with an outgoing and charming personality and he spent much of the night burning up the dance floor with my daughter. She was thrilled.

As a last-minutereplacement, I think she had more fun than I did!

A side note: My daughter, now 18, will be graduating this Sunday at noon. The weather reports for new England do not look promising. If the event has to be moved indoors, rather than outdoors on the lovely campus of the school, graduation will be in the gym, attendees will be on the bleachers and each graduate will be limited to only three guests. Please, pray for a break in the rain for a few hours in the middle of the day on Sunday!! Thanks!

Fluff is all I've got left!

2006-06-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

I turned in two freelance articles this week – one on decorating children’s bedrooms and one on cruise vacations. I had trouble trimming the cruise article down to 1,500 words. With the deadline looming, I sent 1,700. I'm sure the editor will find it easier to cut than I did.

Writing articles about topics of personal interest can be more difficult than writing articles requiring research. It's tough not to include excessive details when the subject is of personal interest. I have one more article assignment, but that's not due for another month. I think I'll take a little time off before starting that one. It's on another subject of personal interest:

A Romantic Weekend Get-Away in New Hampshire!

Having no original ideas left, here are some fluffy truisms I received by email. Enjoy!

And Hoss, if you haven’t already read these somewhere else (unlikely) feel free to steal them for your place!

***************************************************

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.

Lake Chargoggagoggmanchaoggagoggchaubunaguhgamaugg

2006-06-17T11:33:00.000-04:00

Last night was another Oldies Dance, sponsored by the local Oldies radio station and hosted by a lodge on that enormous lake with the even LONGER name.

The group of fun folks we've sat with for the previous two dances was there again and, as usual, we had a blast. One of the couples told us they'd seen our photo on the radio station's website! I checked it out. Paul looks so young here!

Before the dance, we drove by a couple of houses for sale on the lake. We weren't impressed with the two houses we went to see. To be affordable and on the lake, houses are VERY small and generally sit on a postage-stamp lot between neighbors, who are also on postage-stamp lots. A house that would cost $200,000 anywhere else in town is $450,000+ on the lake.

We drove by a for sale sign and pulled in to check out the house. It was on a dead end street with only about four other homes. The last two houses on the street were boarded up, seasonal cottages. The house for sale was a positively gorgeous place on what appeared to be close to an acre of land. We wrote down the information and spent the night dreaming of this awesome house where we could watch the sun setting over the lake from our gazebo.

It was about 1AM when I got home, but I couldn't wait to see how much the house was. I looked it up on line. Paul was guessing $550,000 to $650,000. I told him I thought it would be $750,000 minimum.

$1.7 million bucks!!!

Well, we have good taste!!

The house was more than we really need. I fell in love with the location. The lake frontage is really more Paul's dream than mine. I'm more of a country girl. This house was in a nice neighborhood on the quiet part of the lake. The houses were not all crammed together and there were lots of mature trees. It was QUIET, which is what I like. I'd get sick of living where noisy boats blow by constantly and you hear lake front bar parties late into the night. (Sound really travels over water.) I definitely don't want to live where houses are all crammed tightly together. I hate that.

So...what's up with those two boarded up cottages?? One of them sat on a large, level lot and it was at the very end of the dead end road - an IDEAL location. How do you find out who owns something like that? It would be a great place to buy, take down the cottage and rebuild.

Why do we do these things?? We're still at least a year away from being able to sell our houses and move. Dreams are nice...until reality steals them away! Why invite disappointment??

LOVE

2006-06-15T20:02:00.000-04:00

I give up!

2006-06-13T23:37:00.000-04:00

On Monday morning, at 8:15, I had the torture device removed. I did what they asked. I gave it six months. I wanted it gone!!

For some women, the Minera 5-year IUD may be a great solution to the issue of birth control. For me, it was a nightmare. Oh how I wish I'd never heard the negative publicity about the patch!

On the plus side, I saw a doctor I'd never seen before at my group OB/GYN practice. He has a small sign posted on the wall of the examining room. It states that the physician finds that humor can help alleviate some of the awkwardness inherent in a visit to the gynecologist, but to let him know if you find humor under the circumstances inappropriate or "unfunny." For me, it was just what the doctor ordered. (Ooh...that was bad!) I was fearful that the removal of the device would be at least as painful as the insertion and was not exactly looking forward to the experience. Having a doctor casually joke and pick on me was distracting and relaxing.

Explaining my issues with the sadistic contraption, I grabbed the roll which has formed in my belly and told him that I didn't used to have that. "Before you were 40, you mean?" I glared at him. "Before I had this awful thing stuck in me," I countered. "This same thing happened to me on the deprovera shots. I want a form of birth control that doesn't make me look like I'm five months pregnant." Looking entirely serious he said, "If it ever reaches the point where you're so depressed about your figure that you're contemplating suicide, but you just can't bring yourself to commit the act, come into the office. Sit in the waiting room all day and complain to every woman who walks in here about how fat you are. They will stone you to death." Was that a compliment?? I think so...sort of. He went on to say that if I needed to use birth control, there was obviously someone out there who was not repulsed by my expanding middle. (That may be true, however that someone is not me!)

I explained that I bled all the time. He tried to counter with, "In time...." I interrupted, saying that I'd given it six months and I wasn't giving it a day longer. Sure my periods were light, but they lasted for two weeks! In-between, I'd pass small amounts of blood nearly all the time. He agreed that he could see how that might become annoying.

The removal process was not painful. I felt some moderate pain when he grabbed hold of the device and closed my eyes to brace for the worst. He said, "Are you ready?" I confirmed I was. He replied, "Well, you have to open your eyes first." Yeah, you guessed it, it was already over.

He joked that leaving the speculum in place would provide some pretty effective birth control. I declined to be the test case for his theory.

The patch (too risky, they say, given my advancing years) and the IUD having been eliminated, my options were dwindling. The pills (too hard to remember - did I mention my advancing years?) and the ring (yeah, it was new to me too) seemed to be my only options. The stand-up comedian between the stirrups wasn't quick to offer a recommendation, so I opted for the mysterious ring. I'm having my doubts about it already. I won't get into it here - at least not right now - because I'm sure my male readers are sick of all these "For Women Only" posts on birth control. Suffice it to say that Paul may eventually have to face his fear of surgical procedures because I'm running out of options.

(And those options are all expensive!! Even with insurance, we're talking $30/month! That's outrageous!)

Rant over.

So...how was your day?

Sally

2006-06-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

I went to see Sally last night. I don't typically go out on Saturday nights because my 12-year-old son is here on weekends. Earlier in the day, he said he wouldn't mind going with me. He's met and played with Sally. However, after dinner he really didn't feel like going out and said he'd rather stay home. I debated putting off the visit, but my son in his typically gracious and unselfish manner said, "But what if she doesn't live until tomorrow? You'll feel sad if you don't get to see her." (Have I mentioned lately what really GREAT kids I have??) So he stayed here with his 18-year-old sister and I drove to see Sally for a couple of hours. She looked awful. While she didn't appear to be in any pain, she seemed unbelievably weak. Even lifting her head off the ground caused her to pant. She drank some water, but had to stop and rest after every few laps. At one point, I think she nearly fell asleep in the water bowl.

I called Paul after church this morning. Sally died around 2AM this morning. She just didn't have any more energy to fight back against the disease.

It's not always old age...

2006-06-09T17:09:00.000-04:00

Regular readers will recall that my boyfriend, Paul, owns a very virtuous golden retriever named Sally. Sally is nine years old. For the past several weeks, Paul's family has been giving Sally an aspirin every day, hoping to relieve her apparent joint pain. They assumed her labored movement was the result of her advancing years and the fact that retrievers are prone to hip problems. Sally has also been eating less, turning her nose up at her dry dog food. However, since she was always willing to wolf down any table scraps offered, no one was concerned about her new finicky eating habits.

Paul and I took Sally on a long walk on Memorial Day. She moved a bit slowly and tired a little more quickly than in the past, but she seemed happy.

I went to visit Paul after work on Monday, just one week after Memorial Day. Sally was laying on the driveway, just outside the garage door. She barely moved. When I approached her, she wagged her tail twice. She did not get up. Her eyes were dull; she almost appeared drugged. Her breathing seemed uneven. There were two hot dogs next to her, untouched.

In response to my, "What's wrong with Sally" inquiry, Paul said he was afraid Sally had cancer. He'd theorized this once before, based on the fact that Sally had developed a number of growths. My dog has developed similar growths over the years. The vet tested one just a week or two ago and determined it was nothing but a fatty tumor. Five or six years ago, one tested positive for a type of skin cancer common to dogs. It was cleared up with a treatment involving steroids and antihistamines. The cancer has never returned. Sally has never been tested.

I should probably point out that Paul and I have different viewpoints on pet ownership. My dog, a very overweight, epileptic beagle, has free reign of the house and has had no training of any sort. Given the opportunity, this undisciplined animal would grab the food right out of your hand. She's a sweet, loving, adorable little porker and she's spoiled rotten. I don't let her sleep on my bed at night, but only because she snores. Instead, she sleeps out on the couch. Occasionally, one of the kids - who are more sound sleepers - allow her to sleep on their beds.

Sally, on the other hand, is an obedient, well-trained dog. She's only allowed in the kitchen, den/breezeway and garage. She's not allowed in the living room, much less up on the couch. She doesn't test her limits. (She is virtuous, after all.)

In an uncharacteristically critical manner, I asked Paul if he would react the same way if I were to become ill. Would he just say, "Oh…she's old and probably has cancer. No point in seeking medical attention. We'll just watch her die." Obviously he was offended. I shouldn't have gone so far, but he did promise to take Sally to the vet the next day.

Tuesday morning, Sally was worse. She wouldn't eat or take water. Paul had to carry her to the car.

Lyme disease, carried by deer ticks, is common in New England. If caught quickly, it's quite treatable. My youngest son has had it twice. Symptoms include a circular rash at the site of the bite (usually, but not always) and severe joint pain. Sally has probably had it for weeks. It was not arthritis. It was not hip dysplasia. It was not cancer. Sally has Lyme disease.

Since she'd stopped eating and drinking, she was extremely dehydrated. The vet kept her 48 hours on IV fluids. He pumped her full of antibiotic to treat the Lyme disease. He feared her kidneys had shut down. She was still refusing to take any food or water by mouth.

Last night, the vet sent her home. He hoped she might eat or drink on her own if she was in more comfortable surroundings. Paul said she was able to walk and looked better than she did when he took her to the vet, but she was still incredibly weak. She did lap water from her bowl, but still refused food. They tried hand-feeding her table scraps without success. The vet wanted her back there at 10:00 this morning. While she's showing some minimal improvement, it doesn't look particularly positive. The vet is listing her chances at less than 50/50. He's sending her home again for the weekend, with instructions that she return again on Monday morning.

I don't honestly know how widespread the problem of Lyme disease is in the US. It may be localized to the northeast. But please…don't assume your older dog is slowing down or moving with pain simply due to her advancing years. It might be something else. And if you wait to long to find out for sure, it could be too late.

Cruising Obsession

2006-06-07T23:15:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it. When it comes to vacations, I can be a little obsessive about planning. I will book my trip months in advance and spend hours upon hours researching places to see and things to do. This obsession becomes particularly severe when the vacation involves a cruise. Multiple vacation locations require lots more research.

Paul and I booked our cruise a couple months ago...this would be the cruise we're taking in January of 2007. Still more than seven months away, I've spent over 100 hours reading cruise reviews, visiting tourist information locations, reading about shore excursions offered through the cruise ship and through on-line tour companies. I'm a cruise fiend!

Here's how things are shaping up so far. Of course, this is all subject to change, should my research uncover more intriguing options.

SUNDAY, San Juan: Sightseeing before boarding the ship

Explore Old San Juan.
Possibly tour rum factory in Catano if there's enough time/interest.

MONDAY, St. Thomas: Sapphire Beach

Taxi to Sapphire Beach in St. Thomas - Go parasailing.
If beach gets boring, go souvenir shopping or taxi (one mile) to Red Hook to take ferry ($3/per person, 15-20 minutes each way) to St.John to explore there.

TUESDAY, Dominica: Hiking in the rain forest, 5 hours

Begin with a drive on the winding road through the Morne Trois Pitons National Park.
Stop at a traditional bay oil factory where you will learn how the base of perfumes and soaps are extracted.
Reboard your bus for the final leg for your journey to the starting point of your hike.
Begin your hike with a walk down a steep hill to the valley of the Sari-Sari River.
Experience an exotic, challenging, and invigorating hike along,across and in the river.
Arrive at your destination, the Sari-Sari Falls. Choose to view the spectacular falls from the overlook or continue on the adventurous hike to the pool of the waterfall.
Take some photos and let the energy from the power of the falls energize you.
Hike back to the first crossing of the river for a meal, a Dominican "cook up by the riverside" prepared on an open fire.
Continue your hike to a black volcanic sand beach where you will enjoy a complimentary fruit juice or rum punch.
Ride in your bus back to the ship. Expect to get your feet wet on this true river adventure.

WEDNESDAY, Barbados: Catamaran and Turtle Encounter - 5 hours

Mimosas and a continental breakfast will greet you as the crew prepares the vessel to sail.
A stop along the coastline in a sheltered bay where you will have the opportunity to swim in the clear Caribbean waters or join the instructors for a snorkel expedition over a reef.
A buffet lunch that will be served onboard as you make your way to your next stop, featuring fascinating wild green and hawksbill sea turtles.
A stroll on a powder-soft beach awaits you before reboarding the catamaran and then relax and enjoy as you unwind on the return sail.

THURSDAY, St. Lucia:

Beach Day

FRIDAY, Antigua: Kayak & Snorkel Adventure (4 hours)

Take a 25-minute journey from the pier to Mercer's Creek kayak clubhouse on Antigua's beautiful east coast. View the spectacular seascape and the tiny islands in the North Sound Marine Park.
Board a motorboat for a short ride to a picturesque lagoon where your kayak is waiting.
Participate in a safety briefing and orientation before your guides lead you out on a 2-person, sit-on-top kayak. Paddle through waterways and inlets of tiny uninhabited islands, mangrove alleys and scenic bays in safe, coastal waters.
Continue with an exhilarating 20-minute ride by boat to Bird Island, one of fourteen uninhabited islands in the marine park. Stroll along the island's two white sand beaches, reefs, and hills. Watch for shy turtles, stingrays, starfish, conch, parrot fish, egrets, frigates, pelicans, and humming birds. Relax under a coconut tree, enjoy a swim in the sparkling shallows off the beach, or take a short, guided nature walk to photograph the panoramic views. Or, take the short boat ride to the reefs to snorkel "till your heart's content".
Chilled aroma therapy towels and floral foot baths await while your taste the famous nutmeg rum punch on your return to the club house.

SATURDAY, At sea

SUNDAY, San Juan: Fly home to the snow.

If you decide to take the cruise too, look for me on-board. You'll be able to find me. I'll either be in the disco or up on top of the piano!

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Internet here has been out with all the storms. It's rained endlessly. For the first time in the six years I've worked at my job, the company made an annoucement over the loud speakers (who knew we had loud speakers??), asking anyone who parked in either of the lower two parking lots to move their cars to higher ground. It seemed the lovely bubbling brook nearby had become a lake! Will it ever stop??

Shingles, Indians and Waterfront Property

2006-06-02T21:53:00.000-04:00

I think I have shingles. No, not that kind.

Last weekend, I smeared acne medication on what I thought was a zit forming under my jaw on the right side. The next day, upon closer examination, I determined it was not a blemish, but more likely some sort of bug bite. I noticed some swelling in my lymph glands on that side and assumed it to be a reaction to the bug bite. I've been having a lot of muscle soreness in my right shoulder this week, for no apparent reason. I attributed it to age. Something always hurts these days! Last night, I noticed the "bug bite" was spreading and it looked scabby. Then I remembered having had shingles in the very same location about five or six years ago. I must be prone to shingles. This will be my third experience. The first outbreak, on my abdomen running just under my breast to the center of my back, was the worst. The nerve pain was severe enough to convince me to take prescription pain medication. This time it is annoying, but not severe. I think I will skip the doctor and wait for it to go away on its own, which is supposed to happen in 3-5 weeks.

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It's Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.

Really! Here's the sign! I can't pronounce it either! People around here just call it by the name of the town: Webster Lake.

Paul and I like to go to a little lakefront bar/restaurant on Wednesday nights during the summer. The same radio station that hosts the Oldies Dances once a month hosts a happy hour party known as "Rock the Dock" there on Wednesdays. This week, Paul was talking about how nice it would be to live on that lake. I did a quick search on the internet today and found a nice piece of land for sale there - the ONLY piece of land for sale on Lake Chargogga... Webster Lake. We're talking about driving by to check it out this weekend, although I'm already getting cold feet. I get excited about fantasies like this initially, but then I quickly revert to practical mode. If we can't afford it, why look? Why set ourselves up for disappointment? Seems foolish.

But it really is a pretty lake...

Weekend Photos

2006-06-01T00:13:00.000-04:00

This year, Memorial Day and Paul's birthday were one in the same. Here are some photos from the special weekend.

We spent Sunday afternoon at this lovely park. Isn't this a GREAT photo?

When we got home from the park, I took a dip in the hot tub before going out to dinner. Here we are dancing out on Paul's deck.

Oops!

Moving right along, we had a cookout with a number of Paul's relatives on Monday. Here's Paul playing volleyball.

Not too shabby for an old guy, huh? Paul looked pretty darn sexy out there playing volleyball with all the 20-something kids! Of course, I may be just a tiny bit biased.

We're all getting older...

2006-05-29T22:37:00.000-04:00

I took Paul out to dinner last night to celebrate his birthday. Returning to his house afterward, we found the kids hosting a volleyball party in the backyard. Paul and I went inside to watch TV. We were flipping channels when we passed this old woman holding a brightly-colored dildo while matter-of-factly describing the proper method of stimulating the represented organ.

What the ???

Paul said that someone at his work had recently mentioned having had a similar experience while channel surfing. We stopped. We watched. It was uniquely entertaining in a bizarre and somewhat shocking kind of way. Here was this gray haired, spectacled woman, looking for all the world like someone's grandmother, dispensing advice concerning group sex, genital rashes and the ten most popular sex toys. She enthusiastically endorsed an oscillating vibrator, which included audio featuring a deep male voice uttering flattering encouragement to the user. When she called it her favorite and voiced her intent to take it home with her, the visual image was a bit more than I could take!

Whenever we heard one of the kids come in the house, Paul would reduce the volume. What in the world would they think we were watching??

As it turns out, they were all familiar with "Sex Talk with Sue". Even my daughter, who just turned 18 and spends most of her time hanging out with her church friends, knew about the show. Apparently, all the kids think the show is hysterical.

That's what happens when you get into your late 40s. Not only do you find out that the things you expected to shock people are merely entertaining, but that everyone else was onto the joke way ahead of you!

Late to the party again!

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OH CRAP!! I lost my stat counter too!

Don't EVER, EVER, EVER change your template!!!

Template

2006-05-27T23:21:00.000-04:00

I got bored with my template and decided to make a change. I should have paid better attention to that warning about losing the customization!! I lost my links! I'm trying to rebuild. Please leave me a comment so I can grab your blogsite and re-link.

Sorry...I should learn to just leave well enough alone!!!

Cheap Date

2006-05-26T21:50:00.000-04:00

I often joke that I'm a "cheap date" because it takes very few drinks before I begin to feel the effect. Halfway through the second cocktail and I'm already feeling the buzz. Part way through drink #3, I'm telling you things that I NEVER intended to say out loud. By the end of that third drink, I'm acting like an idiot, while I'm handing over my car keys!! That third drink can sometimes be embarrassing.

In Vegas, Paul and I went to a bar outside Harrah's. One time, in the middle of the afternoon, we stopped in to hear the live band. After a couple of drinks, I was feeling no pain, watching the woman at the next table (clearly also feeling no pain) dance on her own private dance floor. The band asked for some female volunteers. I didn't even wait to hear what I was volunteering for. I was in the moment. I grabbed my dancing friend and dragged her up on stage with me. (She thanked me later - said it was fun.) The group totaled about six volunteers, most of whom had to be coerced to the stage, unlike dancing queen and myself. The band introduced us one at a time, then played snippets of dance tunes to which we were expected to "shake our booties" for the crowd in the bar. Hey, no big deal! I like to dance. And after a few drinks, I don't generally concern myself with whether or not I'm making an ass of myself. I didn't win the contest, but I had a good time.

Soon after, back at the hotel, for reasons I don't quite remember, I launched into a lecture about why guys should NOT give little square jewelry boxes from expensive jewelry stores to their girlfriends on Valentine's Day. No more jewelry boxes! (Did I say that out loud??)

Paul and I have talked, albeit somewhat vaguely, about getting married. It was a tough subject to avoid when we went to Vegas. The wedding chapel comments were too numerous to count! But between the two of us, we have four kids who live at home at least part time. Three of those "kids" currently age 18, 21 and 22, will all be on their own in the next few years. Paul's kids will graduate from their graduate and undergraduate studies next spring. My daughter will be in college this fall. Right now, we'd need a home that would accommodate six people. However, that number will be cut in half over the next few years. It doesn't make sense for us to buy a huge house. Therefore...we wait.

A couple nights ago, I was feeling down (remember?) and had a few glasses of wine after work. (Uh oh...) Paul and I were on the phone and I once again found myself saying things out loud that were meant to stay locked inside my head! I told him that our kids would continue to live at home as long as we made it easy for them. If we arranged our plans according to their schedule, we'd be waiting for two to three years, minimum. He agreed. I told him I wasn't willing to wait that long. I told him these kids are adults who had spent their lives having us cater to their needs. They might find having to make adjustments to accommodate us inconvenient, but in the big picture of their young lives, it would amount to a blip on the radar screen. On the other hand, he and I are OLD. Who knows how much time we have left? We shouldn't be wasting it living 40 miles apart. I could give it a year, and after that...well...those kids were just going to have to realize that, for once, the world was not going to revolve around them. For once, they'd have to make a few compromises for the sake of their parents! (Did I say all that out loud??)

I did say all that out loud! Like I said, that third drink can cause me tremendous embarrassment! But at least he agreed with me.

What a difference a day makes!

2006-05-25T22:20:00.000-04:00

The funk has past. I always have preferred to be a glass-half-full sort.

Paul came over tonight after work. My back has been sore (why is it that after age 45, some part of you hurts all the time??), so Paul gave me a back massage. He's so good to me. How can I possibly stay in a sour mood when I have someone like that around to spoil me??

I know you all HATE this sappy tripe. Sorry. Yesterday I was feeling down. Today I'm feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. Hormones?? I don't think so. I think it's just love!!

You've had a bad day...

2006-05-24T19:09:00.000-04:00

Isn't that the title of that new song they seem to play CONSTANTLY on the radio these days?

Yesterday I had a run-in with the ex.

This morning, my sister called from the doctor's office. She'd gone for her regular appointment and ultrasound at 8 weeks pregnant. The technician left the office shortly after starting the procedure, replaced by the doctor. My sister miscarried at around this same stage of her last pregnancy, less than a year ago. The doctor told her there was no heartbeat. The fetus was dead.

I'm missing my son, PacMan, tonight. He's usually here Wednesday nights, but had a track meet today and homework to do. It added less to his stress to just stay at his Dad's tonight. I understand and I'm not offended, but I'm still sad.

I should be cheered by the fact that Paul, knowing I was in a funk, sent a bouquet of balloons and a teddy bear to my office today. Anyone who was unaware I was dating knows now! You could see the huge bunch of balloons from two-dozen cubicles away! It drew a crowd! I came home from work to see the rose Paul gave me last night, sitting on my kitchen table. He's so good to me.

So why am I still feeling depressed? Do you ever just get into an unexplained funk? Do bad moments sometimes take an unreasonably high toll on your mood?

It was far from the worst day of my life! Maybe I should remember my advice to Two Drink Girl: Tomorrow will be better.

Everybody Loves...

2006-05-22T23:28:00.000-04:00

I love the nightlife, I've got to boogie

2006-05-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

Paul and I went to another Oldies Dance last night. They are sponsored monthly by a local radio station. When we went last month, we were lucky enough to sit down at a table of really fun people. At the end of the evening, we all promised to be back for the next one and discussed grabbing the same table. A major traffic accident had Paul and I running late. I didn't think the group would all be there, nor did I think they'd save us space at the table. I was wrong. Only one person from last month's group failed to show. Next month it's on June 16 and we all plan to be there again! A couple of us had cameras last night, so we've got pictures to share!

I discovered the other day that Carnival has altered the itinerary of the cruise Paul and I have booked in January 2007. The ship will no longer stop in Aruba. I wondered if it had something to do with the controversy over the missing teen, but it is actually the result of high fuel costs. Aruba was the furthest island we were to visit. Now the ship will loop back after Barbados, hitting two islands on the return trip. Rather than four islands and two days at sea, we now have five islands and only one day at sea! Cruising out of San Juan, we'll be stopping at St. Thomas, Dominica, Barbados, St. Lucia and Antigua.

Summer Rerun

2006-05-17T22:15:00.000-04:00

This repeated post originally appeared on April 13, 2005. Welcome to the summer reruns!

Wine Glasses
I had a glass of wine after work today. Okay, two glasses of wine...sheesh, you’re picky!. When I was washing the dishes, I remembered how I came to own my wine glasses.

A couple years ago, I invited a bunch of girls from work over for a "chick night" at my house. We rented videos featuring hunky actors we liked, ate junk food and drank. A “chick night” is much like a “guys’ night” minus the sporting event.

I have this one friend who is a little on the high-brow side. (A single woman who owns two BMWs – a convertible for the summer and an SUV for the winter.) She had brought a bottle of and asked me where I kept my wine glasses. I had to admit that I didn't own any wine glasses. She looked at the plastic party cups I'd bought for my little gathering and said, with notable disgust, "I guess we can drink wine out of plastic cups like white trash."

White trash?? EGADS!

A few weeks later, I happened to be at the dollar store and - EUREKA - they had wine glasses! I bought some for a buck a piece! I feel so classy drinking wine out of stemware! No one needs to know that I bought them at the dollar store. Of course, I have this problem with being TOO HONEST, so naturally I tell everyone where I got them. I really need to work on that.

Search Engines

2006-05-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

Two Drink Girl said that the number one search landing folks on her site lately was "Wimpy Men". That made me curious. (I'm a woman...what did you expect??) So I checked my site meter. What search most often lands people here?

"Friends of Dorothy"

I know you were here Legsakimbo...even though you didn't leave a comment. It's time to stop hiding behind all that gay-bashing rhetoric and just be yourself. Don't worry, Ho...we already know your deep, dark secret and we love you anyway!

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Since I am 100% out of anything even mildly interesting to blog about, I'm thinking of taking my friend Paul's advice and searching through my old posts for a something worth repeating. If you've been here a while, consider it a summer rerun...and try to ignore how frequently I have stolen ideas from my friend, Paul!

Ain't He Purty?

2006-05-13T15:27:00.000-04:00

I hung this photo on my bedroom wall today. I hope Paul isn't too jealous!

My Sergeant

2006-05-12T22:32:00.000-04:00

My son is in training to become eligible for promotion to the rank of Sergeant. I haven't been able to speak to him since right after he returned to his base from leave on Easter Sunday. He called tonight from the base where his training is taking place. He's in the home stretch. Graduation is on Thursday. He said it's been just like basic training, only rather than being called "Private" or "Turd" or "Maggot", they call them "Sergeant".

He sounded awful - tired and sick. He's fighting a cold and sleep deprivation. I told him to drink lots of fluids and get some extra sleep. He told he he was on guard duty at 2AM. He's had guard duty in the middle of the night all week.

Poor kid. Those army officers just don't take care of a guy like Mom!!

Knock, Knock

2006-05-10T07:09:00.000-04:00

Handyman

2006-05-07T23:28:00.000-04:00

Paul came over yesterday and did odd jobs around the house. I hope he doesn't think that I expect him to be my unpaid handyman. I didn't ask him to do anything; he just did.

Maybe it makes me sound sexist, but I really like having a boyfriend who's handy at fixing things. In addition, he keeps an immaculate house (a neat STRAIGHT guy!), he's a great cook and he possesses several other highly valuable skills.

How did I get this lucky???